Archives For striving

All I Can Do

randomlychad  —  August 28, 2013 — 14 Comments

The last year and a half has been a tumultuous time for my family and I (to say the least). Soaring victory was followed by agonizing defeat. And to add insult to injury, my wife’s health took a turn.

Needless to say, we were left reeling, shaken, wondering which end is up…

“Finding my way back to sanity again”

Thankfully, Lisa’s health has turned around. Even so, after holding it together for so long, being strong, I had a breakdown of sorts a few weeks ago.

“I don’t really know what I’m gonna do when I get there”

Have you been there? So whipped, and wiped, you just didn’t care? It took me by surprise to find that, yes, I’m just a man afterall–incredibly weak, frail, and small.

“Gracefully fall back to the arms of grace”

Yet, even so, somehow God’s strength is perfected in my weakness. I don’t presume to understand it, but I will gladly fall upon it…

Time after time: until the faith shall be made sight, and all is set right.

It’s all I can do.

How about you?

Recently, I’ve had some successes here, which I take as a measure of validation to the work I’m doing. The impact I’ve perhaps had in your lives. Yet I can’t believe it’s just me, but God working through me, and my words, to touch your lives.

I often write to simply know that I’m not alone, and your kind words, tweets, comments, emails are a treasure to me. They let me know that not only am I not alone, but that you are going through many of the same things.

We have entered into a story together, you and I, and that is a beautiful thing. Through sharing my life, I’ve entered into yours.

If I’ve learned anything this week, it’s that we do indeed have a community here, together, at Randomly Chad.

You proved it to me, when in humility I laid bare a need–like exposing a raw nerve–and you responded so resoundingly to it. You humble me, and I feel a great weight of responsibility.

I’m honored by your kindness, but have no way to repay it.

All I can do is pay it forward.

That you believe in my dream of becoming a better man enough to send financial aid to see it come to fruition speaks volumes, but not about me–it speaks to the kind of person you are.

Because you have made a sacrifice for me.

And that means the world–more, really–to me. In fact, as I sat down to write today, I wasn’t sure of what to say. Your generosity has me tongue-tied on the inside. I am staggered, and reeling, weaving from side-to-side like a punch drunk boxer.

You have blown me away!

And all I can say is:


Thank-you for digging deep, diving down, giving up something dear to you to sacrifice for me. This will be something that I will carry with me the rest of my life. Really.

I am quietly in awe of you.

That said, however, we’re not quite there yet. Of the $475 needed to pay Randomed Heart for the retreat, I’ve received $340 $395 $405. Thus we’re $135 $120 $80 $70 away from the minimum needed to cover tuition. I know times are tough, but I wouldn’t even ask if it wasn’t something I strongly believe in…

That I so urgently need to do (my wife thinks so, too). If you agree, would you consider helping me? Even if you can’t give financially, your prayers mean the world to me.

My PayPal is gandalf239 [at] gmail [dot] com.

Thank-you for your support,


PS There is still time to enter the giveaways I’m doing this week. You may enter one, or both, by clicking here, or here.

I’ve been wondering lately about the nature of life. You could say I’ve been grappling with it my whole life. Here’s what I keep coming back to: no one gets out alive.

At least not in the bodies we were born into. And who would want to? Mine has:

A bit too much padding around the middle.

Sleep apnea.

And came with only one kidney.

In a way, it was born worn out, already dying. At least that’s what the medical professionals tell us.

And so do the Scriptures. We are “born in sin, and shapen in iniquity.” Our parents, at the pinnacle of their earthly ecstasies, were breeding sinners.

We come out of the birth canal doubly dead: our cells have begun their divisive march towards eventual death, and we, long before our first cogent thoughts, have inherited our parents’ natures.

It is a sad situation.

But for Jesus–who said “you must be born again.” There is of course no crawling back into the womb again–no, this is a spiritual birth.

Even so, we will all still die: because life as we know it was not meant to be “survived.” The fact is: we either die to ourselves, or just finally, completely, utterly die.

Never again to rise.

We must be born again.

Are you born again?

'Let's be friends with benefits' photo (c) 2011, Sarah K - license:

C.S. Lewis said it well when he said that “love is pain.” This is so because love involves risk–the risk of putting one’s heart out there… only to have it stomped on.

Again and again throughout life.

The temptation here is to–like Montresor in Poe’s The Cask of Amontillado–wall one’s heart off, thereby insulating it from risk.

Continue Reading…

So Tired

randomlychad  —  May 6, 2011 — 9 Comments

>Lesterphoto © 2010 ryan kuonen | more info (via: Wylio)

So tired of striving

It’s driving

Me mad

When you don’t see
I shout “I’m here, it’s me”
But you don’t see

Flogging frenzied activity
Is killing me

Fighting for every word

Wanting more than scraps left

For dogs

Wanting to be more than a cog
In someone else’s machine

Who will see me

For me?

I’m outside

Outside the circle

Looking in

Running to stand still

Here in the fringes

Treading, Striving

So tired.

So tired.