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Just so you know: this post is coming to you entirely devoid of pictures. If you came here hoping for images of gratuitous nursing, what’s wrong with you?

This isn’t that kind of blog. (If that kind of blog exists, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know). Move along elsewhere.

'WE RENT BREAST PUMPS #breast #pump #milk #medical #equipment #rent #rental #dontbuy #usedisbetterthannew #sign #posted #glass #reflection #iphoneonly #instayum' photo (c) 2013, Slipp D. Thompson - license:

(This is not a service our church offers).


The kids spent the the night at their grandparent’s house, so Lisa and I did that thing that adults do when their kids aren’t around:

We slept in.

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>petting zoophoto © 2006 stu_spivack | more info (via: Wylio)

Perhaps you are like me, and attend a megachuch. Some are good, some are bad, and some are like going to church at the Gap. Mine is one of the good ones, pastored by a wonderful godly man.

Because of its size, the junior, and senior, high services meet at different times, and so we attend on Saturday evenings. This took some getting used to, but it’s nice having Sundays be our Sabbath day.

Be that as it may, this past Saturday we were graced with a great guest speaker, Robert Barriger, who taught a message based on his book, Honor Found, and a kickin’ illustrated sermon on the Romans Road.

Yes, you read that right: we were treated to two messages on Saturday evening. If you’re a Christian, you know that the Romans Road is a method of explaining God’s plan of salvation using verses from the Book of Romans.

Only the kids sitting near us must’ve misunderstood, and thought it was the Book of “Roamin’s.”

Because his hands were roamin’ all over her! In church! I mean silly me–I thought it was May, not Easter, or Christmas, when they bring out the animals for the pageant, and parade them through the church. Guess I was wrong: ’cause it was a real pettin’ zoo in the pew! If you know what I mean…

The real irony in all this? Because I was so engaged in listening to, and taking notes about, the actual message, I missed out on the far more entertaining visual sermon. It’s a function of my introversion: this ability to focus. I wish my wife had pointed it out to me during service, instead of telling me afterwards. ‘Cause if they’d been adults, how awesome would it have been to say to someone, in church, “Get a room?” As it was, I think I would’ve said “Where are your parents? Did you know it’s not cool snogging during service?”

But I didn’t–because I didn’t know. More’s the pity.

What would you have done in a similar situation? Or what have you done?
Please share in the comments.