Archives For Not feeling it

Since about February of this year, I’ve been on what can be termed a “carbohydrate-restricted” diet. I’m sorry, I mean, don’t call it a “diet”–it’s a lifestyle. This lifestyle has been great for my waistline–I’ve lost close to 40lbs–but hasn’t improved my sleep apnea.

Not one bit. I thought by losing weight, I would improve my nighttime breathing. Well, not so much. In fact, if anything, the apnea has gotten worse.

Not only that, though I’ve lost weight, my total serum cholesterol is 212, and my LDL is 143. Not such good numbers.

This, despite my “lifestyle,” and moderate exercise. Guess it’s all in the genes, or something.

Thanks, mom and dad! Thanks a lot.

Anyway, I thought I could get a handle on this without any additional doctor visits, etc. But it’s not looking that way. (You in the peanut gallery: shut up! I know full well it sucks to be middle aged). So, it looks like another sleep study is in order, and with a recurrent staph infection in my left nostril, a visit to the otolaryngologist (otherwise, like Treebeard, known as an ENT) as well. I hate going to the doctor!

All of this added to what my wife is going through health-wise: diabetes, adhesive capsulitis (“frozen shoulder”–for which she has been enduring painful physical therapy thrice-weekly for sometime now), and various other health issues as well.

Added to which, our son has had some issues with bullies at school.

All of which is to say that this introvert’s heart is on overload. Life is too much right now. So much so, that I presently don’t really care about my healthy regimen. I mean: eat right, exercise daily, die anyway, right? So I may as well eat what I enjoy.

Awesome headspace to be in, right? Can I get an “Amen?”

As you can probably guess–if you read yesterday’s post–I’ve been somewhat surly and withdrawn lately. If you don’t believe me, just ask my wife. 😉

I’m sorry if this sounds like a pity party; that’s not why I’m sharing. I’m just trying to be real with you.

Insofar as I know, I ain’t dyin’, but I feel–chronically–only about half alive. I guess what I’m saying is: I could use your prayers.

Thanks, and God bless!

How can I pray for you?

I Don’t Know My Worth

randomlychad  —  September 23, 2011 — 22 Comments

Preface: this post was was inspired by What We’re Worth: A Community Collection, a post on TamaraOutloud.

Let me cut to the chase: I don’t know my worth. Am unsure of it, constantly questioning, probing, trying to find my place.

Don’t misunderstand: I know what the Bible says, that Christ loved me enough–loved us all enough–to die. But I sometimes feel lost.

Like this week. Life is harder than it’s been in a long time.

Continue Reading…

>rapture-posterphoto © 2005 Marc Nozell | more info (via: Wylio)

In the wake of last weekend’s non-rapture, I’m feeling nothing so much as disappointed–in Harold Camping (how could he be so irresponsible?), my fellow man (how could so many go along with Camping?), and frankly that it didn’t happen (not that I’m anxious to see the destruction of mankind, mind you).

Even though I know better than to heed the–what else can we call it–the ravings of a crazy, self-deluded old man, somewhere deep down I hoped.

How about you? Are you looking forward to His return? Are you ready for the Lord to call us all home?

I mean isn’t that how the Bible ends anyway? “Even so, come quickly, Lord Jesus.”

From our vantage point on this side of eternity, He sure seems to be taking His time. Maybe He’s still building mansions, or something?

I don’t–we don’t–know, because Jesus hasn’t told us. He has this annoying habit of engaging in the Socratic method, of answering questions with questions, or worse yet, spinning yarns. He tells stories when we want simple answers. (As much as we may want it to be, the Bible simply isn’t that kind of book. It’s more compass than map).

Or He remains silent, writing in the dirt, waiting for the milling crowd to leave.

(It strikes me that God seems to be about nothing so much as the business of giving us just what we need to know to either join His team, or not, and not a scintilla more).

Still other times, He was decidedly frank, like when He said that “no man knows the day or the hour.” I take Him at His word on this–Him being the Word, and all.

Even so, this past weekend, I wanted to have (as I said above) hope, because I’m tired. Not tired of living, not tired of my family, not tired of blogging, but just weary. Weary with the state of the world, weary with sleep apnea (though I have a CPAP device), weary of drowning my pillow with drool at night (overactive salivary glands)–just weary, and worn down.

So, yes, I had–deep, deep down–hope, because I believe we are supposed to look forward to Jesus’ return. But the tension here is in the living: living like He could return at any time, though He hasn’t (bodily) passed this way in some 2,000 years (insofar as we know).

How about you? Are you looking forward to Christ’s return? I know I am.

“Even so: come quickly Lord Jesus.”