Archives For kids

Grumpy McGrumperson

randomlychad  —  November 1, 2011 — 10 Comments

'The Grumpiest Cat Alive' photo (c) 2004, Jonathan Keelty - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Today, I woke after about six hours of sleep–sleep that, due to apnea, is not always refreshing.

Today, I woke up with a stiff neck, a headache, and a grumpy disposition. Owing to the fact that I didn’t sleep so well, I guess.

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'Pacifier anyone?' photo (c) 2011, Philipp Antar - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

After reading Ricky’s post–“One Paci to Rule Them All”–yesterday, I was reminded of my own children, and their interest (or lack thereof) in their own respective pacifiers.

Thus, I give you “Paci Throwdown:”

When my son was one, he threw his paci down
Mom, not being ready, retrieved it with a frown

She popped it back in, and to her chagrin,

Back it went, down on the ground,

For five full minutes this went on,

Out! It popped, back in it went,
Until mother and child, both were spent,

But mom would not relent,

And in the end, she won:
Forcing that paci back on our son

And to my chagrin, you see,
He kept it til he was three

Would that were the end of the story:
My daughter, nary a paci will she use,
When asked, she has refused,
A thumb sucker, in all her glory

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You can catch Ricky on his blog, Ricky Anderson Dot Net, or follow him on Twitter @Arthur2Sheds (though I’m told he only has one shed)

This past weekend, my wife & I played hooky from our church to hear Ravi Zacharias speak on life’s questions. After hearing him, two things are clear:

He’s brilliant; and,

It’s no wonder he’s known as one of the preeminent apologists of our day. You should check him out.

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With Saturday being my “cheat day,” I purposefully pigged out on donuts in the morning, and skipped lunch–because I knew we were meeting for dinner prior to the Ravi Zacharias event. Which meant, with the doors opening at six, we had reservations for four-thirty. Yes, it felt a bit like taking a walk on the senior side (eating so early)–only without the blue hair.

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What? you’re thinking. It’s Friday, Friday. Gotta get…

Oh, never mind. Rebecca Black was so last month. 😉

Anyway, it’s Friday–why is he running a Wednesday Haterade piece today? I tell you why:

I’ve reserved a special spot in my shriveled little grinchy heart of choice vitriol for a special lady:

My wife.

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>Christmas Dawnsphoto © 2008 Marcy Kellar | more info (via: Wylio)

Last week, my wife and I had a date night. These are few and far-between, so it was much-appreciated. We checked out a new (to us) sushi place (where we had our items prepared in a low carb-friendly fashion), had some sugar-free ice cream at Baskin-Robbins (pineapple cocoanut–delish!), and did a little shopping at TJ Maxx.

It was at the Maxx that my wife, Lisa, found some gourmet pistachios. Despite having a mild allergy to them, she’s always loved them. And because they’re low carb-friendly, they make a tasty alternative to potato chips. (A little tip: any lifestyle change, such as we’ve made, is all about the alternatives). So we bought two bags.

For whatever reason, I never got around to eating any of the nuts we got. But it turns out our four-year-old daughter loves them! Just loves them (“Daddy, crack this one for me!”).

All well and good, right?

Well…

Our son (he’s twelve) spent the night at a friend’s on Saturday evening, thus he wasn’t home when it happened. And when I say “it” I mean:

Lisa was sitting on the couch, snacking on pistachios prior to going down for breakfast. We heard our daughter get up, go to the restroom, and as she was heading out to join my wife, I excused myself to the facilities.

As I came back to join them, and invite them down for breakfast, I don’t know why (probably past experience–and the lingering smell wafting from her bathroom), but I asked our daughter if she’d washed her hands after going potty. She said, “No, I didn’t.”

And yet there she was, sharing pistachios from a Tupperware container with her mommy!

Can I get an “Ew! Gross!?” Needless to say, but mommy stopped noshing on those nuts. We told out sweet little girl that they were all her’s now. Every last one of those gourmet pistachios!

And then, as we got her ready to go to church with her grandparents, promptly forgot all about it. (We attend Saturday evening service at our church, and with our son at his friend’s, our daughter going to church with grandma and grandpa, we did what all “good” Christian parents thus unencumbered on a Sunday morning would do: we went to the movies. And saw Thor. Don’t judge us).

Forgot, until later, when…

After picking up our son, going home, and I was again returning from the facilities, I saw:

Brother and sister so sweetly sitting together on the couch in our loft, eating pistachios.

Eating pistachios. The same ones from earlier!

“Oh, no,” I thought.

“Son, come here,” I said, inviting him into the laundry room. And proceeded to tell him the whole sordid tale of his sister’s unwashed potty hands.

“So you don’t want to eat those–they’re ‘poopstachios,'” I finished. I believe he may have said something about hurling right then. And who could blame him?

That’s right, “poopstachios.” You heard it here first.

So it was that a new family meme was borne out of a little girl’s unwashed hands. We are certain to get miles and miles out of this in-joke (and at the most I opportune times, I’m sure).

How about you? Do you have any in-jokes, any family memes you want to share? Has anything like this happened to you?

(By the way, if you enjoyed this post, please check out Bryan Allain’s blog tomorrow for more about my daughter).