Archives For Bryan Allain

So my buddy Bryan Allain tweeted the following today:

“I challenge you to name me 10 better feelings than those few seconds after making it to the urinal just in time. You can’t.”

'Gold top 10 winner' photo (c) 2007, Sam Churchill - license:

To which I replied “It’s on.” Because, you know, when someone throws down like that you gotta rise to the challenge!

Am I right?

The list that follows is my attempt to run Bryan’s gauntlet. Or yank his chain. 😉

#10 Just making it to the toilet (after eating too much Taco Bell).

#9 Just making it with your kid when they “can’t hold it anymore.”

Continue Reading…

>no more hatephoto © 2005 Blake Emrys | more info (via: Wylio)

If you’re at all like me, then you hate Bryan Allain. The man is a menace! Not only is he everywhere on the Internet, but his reach is growing through this BlogRocket Community he’s recently launched!

Why do I hate him?

Let me list the ways:

1) He’s unfailingly kind. I mean, come on, nobody’s that nice, but he is! He takes the time to answer even the most inane questions, and makes one feel like they matter.

2) He’s generous with his wisdom–he truly does want to see you succeed. Not only that, but he always tells the truth about everything.

3) He makes me want to be a better blogger–which is costing me time, as I write (and rewrite) my posts. (He even gave me a guest spot on his blog!)

4) He challenged me, and others, to lose weight last month–and I did, which is going to cost me money as I buy new clothes! Thanks, Bryan!

5) He talked me into joining the BlogRocket Community mentioned above, where I’ve found many great new friends! But who has the time? 😉 (Here’s 10 Reasons Why You Should Join the community).

6) Being in the community, seeing what other bloggers are up to, has challenged me to step up my game. And the pressure I feel, the weight of responsibility to produce compelling content–I lay that at Bryan’s feet!

Those are but few reasons why I “hate” Bryan. Care to share yours in the comments?

PS This post is entirely tongue-in-cheek. Bryan is a pretty awesome guy!

PPS Because he’s originally from Massachusetts, Bryan pronounces the word fountain as “founht-in,” instead of “foun-ten.” You can hear that here
in his Ad Unbrilliance Video for a women’s event at his church.


Hi! Thanks for stopping by today! I appreciate you, and your faithful readership! Thanks for coming along on this ride with me. It’s been fun, challenging, and downright awesome!

Today, I’m posting at Bryan Allain’s blog on the “Five Things You Never Want to Hear From Your Child in a Public Restroom.” It’s a post based on some real life experiences I’ve had with my daughter. While I’ve posted some funny things in the past, my writing of late has strayed away from “teh funnay” onto more serious subjects. I’m not sure if this post represents a return to form (if you will), or points in a new direction. Time will tell. What I do know is that it wouldn’t be what it is without Bryan’s expertise. The end result is truly a collaborative effort. Thank-you, Bryan, for making me funnier than I am!

So please check it out at Bryan Allain dot com. Thanks for reading!


As I made my floundering, fumbling, halting way into the blogosphere last Fall, I came across Bryan Allain’s blog. Not only was he incredibly cool, and funny, he was a fellow Pennsylvanian (yes, I know he’s a Massachusetts transplant). So I did what all starstruck newbies do in the presence (perceived) greatness: I went totally fanboy. By which I mean I was a total douche to Bryan (getting “all up in his grill, yo”).

Despite this, he was incredibly cool, and gracious, to me–he even granted me an interview, which ran in two parts, here, and here. In the ensuing months, he’s answered my questions regarding public speaking (which I’m still not sure is a route I want to go down), and encouraged me to hone my writing voice. He really is an all-around good guy.

When he initially launched BlogRocket last December, I considered signing up, but really didn’t have the scratch (it being right before Christmas and all). Now that he’s retooled and relaunched the program, I’m seriously considering joining it this time around. (I did get his 29 eBook, which deals with the frustrations bloggers face, though–it was well worth the $4.00, or $5.00, I spent. If you signup for his mailing list at BlogRocket, you can get it for free!).

Bryan didn’t pay me to write this (still waiting for that check, man 😉 ), and truth be told, we don’t interact very much online. But the times we have done so have been totally golden for me. Bryan is a stand-up guy. He’s the real deal. So go checkout his blog at, and his program for bloggers at You’ll be glad you did. Thanks for reading!


  1. Bryan Allain

    I noticed that you’ve visited my blog, thus I’m curious to get your subjective impression of it–what do you think of it? Do you like the blog, and what I’m trying to do with it? Any tips for me?

    Blog Coaching…coming to an internet tube near you soon. 🙂 [I know what you’re saying–I really need this, don’t I? It’s alright, be honest. It won’t hurt my feelings.] Update: Bryan’s blog coaching program has launched at BlogRocket. He’s calling it “creative fuel for your blog.” I like to think of it as helping bloggers reach the stars.
  2. Are you a cat person, or a dog person? Why?
    I’m not a pet person, which I know is not a popular thing to say. They make my eyes water and I’m convinced that all animals could turn on us at any point and claw us to death. I’m not kidding. [You mean like that awful M. Night Shyamalamadingdong movie, The Happening? Animals are gonna rise up like the plants and get us back? Wow! Had no idea.]
  3. I’ve noticed, from listening to your podcast, that you seem be transitioning away from giving your location as Intercourse, PA, and are more and more saying that you’re in Lancaster County, PA. What’s the reason for this shift? Are you ashamed of Intercourse?
    I tried to write a response to this that wouldn’t get me in trouble. It was too hard. [<–very droll, that–“too hard”]

  4. How much do you really love fantasy football? Why the ongoing rivalry with Tyler Stanton?
    It’s fun, but I don’t love it. I’m much more into picking games against the spread, which is what the league I’m in with Tyler is all about. Tyler and I are good friends, so I look for any way I can to show him how much better I am as a person. [Yes, but are you “Bowlin‘” like Tyler?]
  5. I noticed you tweet about coffee quite a bit? Do you make your own, or are you a Starbuck’s/coffee house kind of guy? Maybe you can clarify something for me: is coffee more of a bean juice, or a brown nectar?
    I tweet about coffee because my brain isn’t awake yet and I can’t think of anything else to tweet about. I’m not a coffee snob, and usually brew my own. But if I’m going out it’s Dunkin over Starbucks.
  6. Mac or PC? Why?
    I’m on a PC all day at work, but otherwise I’m 100% a Mac guy. I shouldn’t have to explain myself. [I totally get you on this one, man. Love my Mac. Pry it from my cold, dead hands and all.]
  7. Do you have a particular spot where you do your writing, or do you hole up in the bathroom with a laptop? How important is a well-laid out space to your creative process?
    I write in my kitchen every morning, but as long as it’s not too loud or distracting I can write anywhere.
  8. I’ve heard that you’re a rabid Caedmon’s Call fan—is this true? And if so, why? And how cool was it to interview Derek Webb for your podcast? Did you go a little “fanboy” on him?
    This is well documented, but I’ve been a rabid CC fan since 1997. Since then I’ve seen them in concert close to 30 times, have been to Ecuador and Texas with them, and consider almost all of them friends. Despite being friends though, there will always be a little fanboy in my heart for Derek, Cliff, and the rest of the crew.
  9. I’ve read where you refer to yourself as the “Schnoz.” Have you seen the pictures of me on my blog? Which one of us has a bigger nose?
    My schnoz is unique and allergic to comparisons. [Sorry, Bryan, in the interests of fair and balanced blogging, I had–for the readers’ sake–to throw up a comparison.]

  10. Is your relationship with Jesus Christ absolutely central to your life? Could you “talk” a little about how you came to the Lord/how He called you? And what role your faith plays in your writing?
    Jesus is very much central to my identity as a person and how I live my life. Not to the extent that I wish he was sometimes, but ever since I committed to living for Him as a freshman in college I’ve tried to keep him central. It can be tough, though, when every morning I want to make life all about me.
    As for my writing, I don’t often write about spiritual things. You can find some thoughts on faith on my blog, but mostly I like to make people laugh. I try not to embarrass God or my family with what I do, which means I try not to be too demeaning of others, too hateful, or too vulgar. I also try not to be unfunny, because lame jokes make God weep.
  11. After the somewhat “douchey” way I acted online, do I have a friend in Pennsylvania?
    We’ve all been there and we’re all gonna do dumb stuff in the future, so there’s no point to refusing grace to people. That said, at some point if someone continues to act like a douche then you gotta start ignoring them so they get the point and so you avoid the headaches of dealing with a douche. You’re not at that point yet 🙂 (and again, I’ve been the douche plenty of times, so I get it.) [Almost didn’t include this one, but thought it wise to just be honest about something that is painfully obvious to my poor wife everyday: I can be an a**. I really appreciate Bryan just plain giving me a second chance at a first impression. Thanks for giving me grace, man!]

    Bryan, thanks so much for “dropping by” to play Textual Harassment with me! Appreciate your time. See you around the blogosphere. Bryan’s blog can be found at Checkout his awesome podcast, The Freshpod, here. You’ll be glad you did. That’s all the time we have for today. See you back here sometime soon for another “episode” of Textual Harassment with Mr. Stuff Christians Like himself, Jon Acuff.