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randomlychad  —  June 4, 2019 — Leave a comment

I’m afraid.

Afraid I don’t have anything to say.

Afraid of the road ahead.

Afraid of hearing bad news about a loved one’s health.

Afraid of the changes wrought by failing health, by aging, by life.

I’m afraid.

When I get afraid I’m tempted to check out, to hide behind humor, to use.

How about you?

What are you afraid of?

It’s Quiet Here

randomlychad  —  January 16, 2019 — Leave a comment

I’ve been away for a long, long time waiting for some health issues to be resolved, for other life issues to find some resolution, healing, closure…

The health stuff hasn’t really changed. Life is still life. I’m doing soul work, and it’s akin to peeling an onion; there are layers, and there are layers.

That said, it’s all just an excuse. Cause whether I’m feeling it or not, I’m back.

Writing something here, or anywhere, is better than the alternative–not writing at all.

Much love.

For those that pray, please pray for my wife, Lisa; her body reacted so strongly to a recent allergy test that it had to be stopped because the risk of inducing anaphylaxis was too strong.

Not living in her skin, I can only imagine how she feels, how hard this is on her. To me, it feels like the world, and her body, are trying to kill her.

I feel so sad and overwhelmed.

I mean I know God is good… It’s just when is something going to go her way in life? When are things going to break good, and not bad?

There’s a whole other host of health issues she’s been dealing with that I’m not going to get into…

I guess we just want some mercy and grace.


Life and Loss

randomlychad  —  March 23, 2018 — Leave a comment

It has been a tumultuous couple of years. I suppose, as much at is rather not admit it, I’m aging. Which means people close to me are aging as well.

It means change.

Learning to adapt to changing bodies, energy levels, interests…


It’s axiomatic. The older get, the more people we lose. Like in this last year, we lost my wife’s beloved grandma, a close family friend…

Grief has become a constant companion. If not so much overtly anymore, it’s still there just beneath the surface. And it doesn’t have a timetable. It just is. Time itself heals nothing, and closure seems to be just an abstract concept, an illusion. I don’t think we’re ever really over the loss of those close to us.

There’ll be a memory, a familiar place, a previously shared experience which brings those piercing pangs of grief right back…

Life is hard. And it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier. More is required of me, expected of me, as I’m closing in on 50 than ever before. The only answer I know is Jesus. And that his grace is for the cracks.

And the crackpots like me.


The latest adaptation of L’Engle’s A Wrinkle In Time releases this Friday in the states. Thing is, I’ve never read it. In fact, thinking back on my childhood, I can’t remember reading a single children’s book. Not one.

I’m hard pressed to think of an example. The fact that I’m slinging words across this screen now certainly implies that, at some point along the way, I did learn to read. At least I’d like to think so. It’s probably up for debate.

The earliest memory I have of reading something I wanted desperately to read was Stephen King’s The Shining.

I was eleven.

I suppose that explains quite a lot (you over there in the peanut gallery? Yeah, you! Shut up).

I read a lot of King over the ensuing years. No one quite has the mastery of character, setting, local color that he does… In any case this is supposed to be about children’s books, right? Right. And other than The Hobbit I didn’t read really read any books explicitly for children until I was well into adulthood.

I devoured, and loved, Lewis’s Narnia books, the Harry Potter books (but those certainly grew increasingly adult in tone as the characters matured), and not much else. I believe I may have read some of the Lemony Snicket books, but lost interest after the third, or so.

I think I tried reading Winnie The Pooh to my daughter when she was younger, but she lost interest.

So not a lot of children’s books have been read, okay? More’s the pity.

Then I read Shawn Smucker’s The Day the Angels Fell. It was a children’s book about a very deep subject: death. And how sometimes death could be a good thing. But more than that the book contains a rollicking good yarn about a quest for the tree of life. Why am I telling you this? It’s simply this: it’s great that L’Engle’s book is getting another adaptation, but more than anything I wish I could see Smucker’s book up there on the big screen.

I would be the first in line.

What children’s book would you like to see made into a movie?

A Wrinkle in Time releases this Friday, March 8th.

Synopsis:  From visionary director Ava DuVernay comes Disney’s “A Wrinkle in Time,” an epic adventure based on Madeleine L’Engle’s timeless classic that takes audiences across dimensions of time and space, examining the nature of darkness versus light, good versus evil and, ultimately, the triumph of love.  The film stars Reese Witherspoon, Oprah, Mindy Kaling, Chris Pine, and Storm Reid as “Meg Murry.” A Wrinkle In Time is in theaters March 9, 2018

Watch the trailer here: A Wrinkle in Time trailer