Do You Need A Minion?

randomlychad  —  October 16, 2012 — 9 Comments




Research Assistants.


Personal Assistants.


In the past couple of years–since Despicable Me released–the word minion has come back into vogue. If you’re overwrought, overworked, under slept without enough hours in the day, you need a minion.

Author working on a book? No time for research?

You need a minion.

Computer tech? Without enough time to install all those Windows updates?

You need a minion.

Busy mom? With too much on her plate?

You need a minion.

Have I got a deal for you!

Unlike Craigslist, home of the “re-homing” fee, I’m prepared to offer you a minion absolutely free of charge. Honest–there’s no catch. Think of it! A free minion to do your bidding.

You can concentrate on the work that’s important, while your new minion:

Watches your T.V.

Bunks out in front of it, playing Assassin’s Creed XXIII.

Empties your refrigerator of all the choicest foodstuffs.

Leaves socks, shoes, underwear around your house.

Hears your requests for assistance, responds in the affirmative, and does nothing.

Trips over own socks, shoes, and undergarments–because minion has forgotten leaving them here, there, and everywhere.

Minion also (obviously) refuses to:

Clean up after self.

Refrain from fighting with sibling.

Constantly challenges proper authority.

Won’t clean windows

Or pick up after pets.

Minion answers to the name “teenager.”

What I’m saying is: take my minion, please!*

Oh, wait… Do you already have a minion of your own?

*Entirely tongue-in-cheek, folks; I love my “minion,” and wouldn’t trade him in for anything. Just using satire to vent some (hopefully common) parental frustrations.




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Christ-follower, husband, dad, blogger, reader, writer, movie buff, introvert, desert-dweller, omnivore, gym rat. May, or may not, have a burgeoning collection of Darth Vader t-shirts. Can usually be found drinking protein shakes, playing with daughter, working out with his son, or hanging out with his wife. Makes a living playing with computers.Subscribe to RandomlyChad by Email

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