“Head Down,” Or What’s Going On With Me

randomlychad  —  March 29, 2012 — 18 Comments

First, an apology:

If I used to comment regularly on your blog, and haven’t lately (or in awhile), I’m sorry.


Due to a vast confluence of circumstances–trials, tribulations, and indeed some victories–I’ve been in “Head Down” mode.

What’s that, you ask?

It’s like this:

Say that life is like a football (American style) game, and a receiver has just snatched the ball from the air. That ball becomes his life, and he must do everything possible to power through the crushing throng of defenders. He goes “head down,” and does his utmost to get to the goal.

Let’s further say that I’m that receiver; lately, it’s all I can do to hold onto that ball. Forget moving forward for right now. The crushing tide of the “defenders”–illnesses, obligations–just, you know, life–has got me down.

Stupid as it is, when my character–Sam Gamgee–was knocked out of Clay Morgan’s March Movie Madness 2, that really bummed me out.

It was just one more thing. One more defeat.

I feel stupid and weak admitting this.


Concomitant with my struggle, I had a child who desperately wanted to go on an eighth grade trip. For which I had no way to pay. And for which my wife and I both felt bad about.

The kicker here is that all I could do was bemoan the fact that I didn’t get to go to the Killer Tribes conference. Which I actually asked God to please work out somehow. Did I ask Him to provide for my son’s need?

No–I did not. (It seems that God had plans of His own on that score, and my wife and I are both profoundly humbled by, and extremely grateful for, how unexpectedly He came through for Jonathan. God knows he needed it).

That, my friends, is for me yet another aspect of that “head down” mode–when I can’t see past my own skin.

Which we also know as: depression.

So, as I indicated at the beginning, if I seem to have gone underground, not been around, or acted out in weird ways, now you know why.

Has life ever felt like too much to you? Have you ever struggled with the demon of depression?




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Christ-follower, husband, dad, blogger, reader, writer, movie buff, introvert, desert-dweller, omnivore, gym rat. May, or may not, have a burgeoning collection of Darth Vader t-shirts. Can usually be found drinking protein shakes, playing with daughter, working out with his son, or hanging out with his wife. Makes a living playing with computers.Subscribe to RandomlyChad by Email

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