I don’t know about you–what paths life has lead you down to get you to the place you are–but I know (just barely) me, and me is so often a middle aged man looking to the world to fill a void left by an uninvolved, disinterested dad.
I’m sick to death of how I’ve let this define me.
I’ve spent my life, harassed my wife, played the appeaser, lashed out with cutting humor, just begging to be liked–to be accepted.
(Just so you know: sometimes the humor is a mask I wear to hide my hurting soul).
I’m sorry, world, for lading you down with these expectations–because it’s not your job to salve my wounds, or give me the affirmation I so desperately seek.
World, I understand now that you have enough problems of your own. I understand your seeming indifference–your agnosticism: you’re a busy place, full of folks vying for attention.
And if I’m honest at all, I’m just as prideful as all the rest. I want to be noticed.
And if I can’t get attention in healthy ways, I’ll act out–because negative attention is better than no attention, right?
No, that can’t be right. My experience tells me that this just alienates people. Besides, that’s how children act, and I’m a man grown.
And it’s high time to grow up.
So, I’m sorry, world, wife, friends, family.
The truth is: I’ve been a jerk.
And I’m sorry.
Hope you can forgive me.
Cause I think God kinda wants you to–Him sending His Son and all to die for jerks like me.
What’s your “truth?” How have you defined yourself?