10 Reasons You’ll Hate Words & Sentences
I know from reading Randomly Hacd’s (I believe in my heart of hearts that any word following “random” should be placed in random order) site for a while that he likes to throw the hate, and you know, my hate smells like a sweaty leprechaun hat.
Now, I know Chad’s hate can be inferred as “love”. Not me, I can’t even spell that word correctly. Luove. See, can’t do it. I’m really going to lay down the hate on my new book, Words & Sentences, in hopes that you’ll buy it, like it, and we can fall in lerve.
10 Reasons You’ll Hate Words & Sentences:
2. There is absolutely no mention of the debt crisis sweeping the America. I mean, I hear about it in every media outlet on the planet, and I want it in my literature. [But not in your book? What’s up with that?]
3. It’s a toilet book, not a septic tank book. I need something bigger for where I lay the results of my digestive system to rest. [That’s just offal, Tyler!]
4. The author is a math teacher. I hate math, I hate teachers, therefore by the Transitive Property of Equality, I hate this book. [My high school Geometry teacher was Vernon Reamer. He lived up to it. I kid you not]
5. It costs less than steak fajitas at Applebee’s. I want to pay top dollar for my compositions of words and sentences–something I lose 5 grand on right after I drive it off the lot. [You mean you self-published?]
6. Where’s the beef? [What beef? Thought you said it had Unicorn? What gives?]
7. It’s not a movie. This is the 21st century, I shouldn’t be expected to have to turn my own pages. Get outta here Jean Claude, I have no time for you. [Unless you wanna talk about making that sequel to your masterpiece, Timecop; otherwise, I got nothing to say]
8. The artwork lining the book is so stunning and elegant it makes my eyes crap handlebars. Seriously, how could he get his very talented student to create such drawings. Travesty, I say, travesty. [“Tarversty,” anyone?]
9. I heard it’s not the quarterback, I only date quarterbacks. What was this list again? [Who knows?]
Tyler Tarver is not only my brother but he is also me [Tyler wrote that]. You can check out his website Tyler Tarver.Com, subscribe to it here, check him on Twitter at @tylertarver, or just buy his brand new toilet book (which he won’t shutup about!), titled Words&Sentences that 4 people have said is “funnier than sliced bread.” He’s not as attractive as you, but he sure does love you.