A Tyler Tarver Guest Post: 10 Reasons You’ll Hate Words & Sentences

randomlychad  —  August 3, 2011 — 13 Comments

Today marks a RandomlyChad first: my first-ever guest-poster. Tyler Tarver is a funny bloke, loves Harry Potter, and just came out with his first book. Take it away, Tyler! Oh, and be gentle!

10 Reasons You’ll Hate Words & Sentences

I know from reading Randomly Hacd’s (I believe in my heart of hearts that any word following “random” should be placed in random order) site for a while that he likes to throw the hate, and you know, my hate smells like a sweaty leprechaun hat.

Now, I know Chad’s hate can be inferred as “love”. Not me, I can’t even spell that word correctly. Luove. See, can’t do it. I’m really going to lay down the hate on my new book, Words & Sentences, in hopes that you’ll buy it, like it, and we can fall in lerve.

10 Reasons You’ll Hate Words & Sentences:

'Unicorn meat' photo (c) 2011, Bill Sodeman - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/
1. There’s a Unicorn on the front. C’mon, guy, a unicorn? They taste awful, like a rainbow. [Voldemort seemed to like them. Just sayin’.]

2. There is absolutely no mention of the debt crisis sweeping the America. I mean, I hear about it in every media outlet on the planet, and I want it in my literature. [But not in your book? What’s up with that?]

3. It’s a toilet book, not a septic tank book. I need something bigger for where I lay the results of my digestive system to rest. [That’s just offal, Tyler!]

4. The author is a math teacher. I hate math, I hate teachers, therefore by the Transitive Property of Equality, I hate this book. [My high school Geometry teacher was Vernon Reamer. He lived up to it. I kid you not]

5. It costs less than steak fajitas at Applebee’s. I want to pay top dollar for my compositions of words and sentences–something I lose 5 grand on right after I drive it off the lot. [You mean you self-published?]

6. Where’s the beef? [What beef? Thought you said it had Unicorn? What gives?]

7. It’s not a movie. This is the 21st century, I shouldn’t be expected to have to turn my own pages. Get outta here Jean Claude, I have no time for you. [Unless you wanna talk about making that sequel to your masterpiece, Timecop; otherwise, I got nothing to say]

8. The artwork lining the book is so stunning and elegant it makes my eyes crap handlebars. Seriously, how could he get his very talented student to create such drawings. Travesty, I say, travesty. [“Tarversty,” anyone?]

9. I heard it’s not the quarterback, I only date quarterbacks. What was this list again? [Who knows?]

10. Tyler Tarver wrote it. The guy sounds like a tool.
''You're such a tool...'' photo (c) 2011, Bryan Ochalla - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/
Who do you hate?

Tyler Tarver is not only my brother but he is also me [Tyler wrote that]. You can check out his website Tyler Tarver.Com, subscribe to it here, check him on Twitter at @tylertarver, or just buy his brand new toilet book (which he won’t shutup about!), titled Words&Sentences that 4 people have said is “funnier than sliced bread.” He’s not as attractive as you, but he sure does love you.




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Christ-follower, husband, dad, blogger, reader, writer, movie buff, introvert, desert-dweller, omnivore, gym rat. May, or may not, have a burgeoning collection of Darth Vader t-shirts. Can usually be found drinking protein shakes, playing with daughter, working out with his son, or hanging out with his wife. Makes a living playing with computers.Subscribe to RandomlyChad by Email

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