Folks, this week’s Wednesday Haterade is running today, Friday. Why? You ask. Well, it’s because I was everywhere on the Internet on Wednesday. Seriously. I had Sharideth Smith guesting here, I guested on her blog, and a piece I wrote for Alise Wright’s “Guest Post-A Pallooza” ran then as well.
I. Was. Everywhere. On. The. Internet. 😉 Which was cool, and scary, and fun. Those ladies are good peoples! Read their blogs!
The man I’m writing about today–entirely for argument’s sake–is not good peoples! In fact, today I “hate” him!
Who am I talking about? Tor Constantino, that’s who.
Thing is, he being the seventh son of seventh son, I don’t know if it’s really safe to “hate” him. Actually, the preceding is hyperbole (that whole 7th of a 7th thing), but I do know that he is the seventh of that name: SalvaTORe Nichols Constantino, the 7th. For reals.
I think maybe he goes by Tor because he doesn’t want to be known as “Sal,” or maybe it’s because he’s gonna “tor” me up after he reads this? (I dunno, but I do know that, like my wife, he’s Italian. So I’m a little concerned).
1) I “hate” him because I woke up at 4:15 (after having gone to bed at 12:30) with my head chock full of “hateful” ideas for this post. Seriously, don’t you think that anyone who wakes you up at that ungodly hour is deserving of a little “ire?” My head was so full of Tor I couldn’t go back to sleep!
2) The man’s blog is called “The Daily ReTORt”, apparently because he always has something to say. Or something. I wonder though–he being Italian and all–how well he could “reTORt” if I tied his hands behind his back?
3) Darnit! He’s funny! You need look no further than the series of videos he’s labelled “Wedded BlisTORs” (are you sensing a common theme here? Everything’s about TOR!). Anyway, you can see one of his spots here. (If you’re so inclined. And seriously, Tor, save some of the funny for the rest of us, man! I’ve got children to feed, too!)
4) The man lives in Baltimore, which to me means two things: he can get delicious pit bull, er beef, whenever he wants it, doggone it! And he can like fist bump the coolness that is Chef Duff in person. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, Tor is faNATic (see what I did there?) follower of the “Ace of Cakes.” (Actually, that’s hyperbole–I made it up out of whole cloth. But, being on Weight Watchers as he is, I just bet that Tor loves cake! His favorite kind? TORte! When his wife lets him eat any).
5) Tor isn’t just a blogger–no, he’s a bona fide author as well; his book, A Question of Faith, releases this fall! How cool is that! Oh, wait, I’m supposed to “hate” him, right! Darn, I suck at this whole “hate” thing! Oh, well…
6) Tor is a husband, dad, and middle aged guy (like me!) making his way in the world, and following his dream. Kudos to him! No, wait, Grr! & Haterade to him. For getting there ahead of me! No, seriously, I met Tor through Bryan Allain’s BlogRocket, an online community for folks like Tor and myself. He’s always been kind–and had a kind word for me. So thank-you, Tor, for who you are, and who God’s making you into!
(Though I am a little peeved at you upstaging me! I mean I give away a copy of Jon Acuff’s Quitter, and you–you gotta give away an entire Acuff library everyday this week! Not cool, man, not cool! Oh, and folks, if you want chance to win 3 Jon Acuff books from Tor, follow the instructions on his blog, The Daily ReTORt).
Now tell me why you “hate” Tor Constantino, the 7th of that name, ok?