In a couple of weeks, Sharideth Smith and I will be swapping posts. (This will be happening on or about the tenth of August; i’m supposed to “hate” her–on her own blog, no less!). She writes a kickin’ blog chock full o’ relationship advice for men. You should check it out.
Since she dishes on how best we men can relate to the fairer sex, I thought I’d, you know, return the favor here. 😉
So this one goes out to you, ladies!
So here’s the deal–here’s what we guys don’t like (I know you didn’t ask):
1) Let’s say things are going swimmingly–or at least your guy thinks they are–and y’all have a little tiff. Resist the temptation to bring up past issues: keep the issue about, well, the issue (at hand). History lessons are out of bounds. He doesn’t want to know about “that time when…”
2) This one is akin to the previous: only bring up one issue at a time, or you’re apt to lose him. Men–generally speaking–are goal-oriented problem solvers–so do yourself a favor, and give him one (that’s right: just one) actionable item. At a time. I promise: you’ll thank me.
3) Don’t try to “fix” him–he’ll just resent it. (Besides you can’t anyway). If he’s anything like me–a husband, dad, full-time employee–he’s already laded down with expectations, he’s already dealing with a world that’s telling him he doesn’t measure up. Don’t add to this burden. He may not voice this, but be his safe place, his soft place to fall. Again, you’ll thank me.
4) Never–I repeat, never–under any circumstances, demand that he “change” for you. (For you Christian ladies out there, remember 1st Corinthians 13:5: “love seeks not its own”). This is not fair, and he will resent you for it. Akin to this, is acting like he’s the only one in your relationship who needs to change; again, he will resent you (see previous items–and remember: only one actionable item at a time, or you risk overload, and system shutdown).
5) Never–under any circumstances–treat him like he’s the problem. Keep the problem the problem. Because if you come at him like he’s the issue–the locus of all that ails your relationship–prepare for the onslaught of Captain Defensive Pants. Seriously–you’ve been warned. I mean, you love your man, right! Why would you want him to feel attacked?
Which brings me to:
7) If you’re going to “speak into” his life, at the very least, allow him the dignity, and courtesy, to do the same in yours. If not, he will resent you, and feel greatly disrespected. Remember: you are equal partners in the relationship–so act like it.
8) A last bit of advice: never, ever give in to the temptation to belittle him, or resort to name-calling. Trust me: it will not end well. Chances are, he’s bigger than you, and has a bigger voice, and if pressed hard enough, will use it (like the wrath of Khan). Once you get those defensive hackles up, it’s not usually your man who’s reduced to tears. I’m just sayin’. He hates himself for hurting you like this, but you’re not innocent in this. And your man is–surprise, surprise–only human after all.
Ladies, if you don’t believe me, or trust that what I’m saying is true, please show this post to the man in your life, and see what he says.
What do you think? Ladies, or guys, would you add–or remove–anything from this list? Let me know in the comments.
(If you’re looking for me, I’m hiding from my wife; don’t tell her where I am. KThxBye). 😉