Bible Translations You’ll Never, Ever See

randomlychad  —  July 12, 2011 — 2 Comments

Grandaddy's Biblephoto © 2010 Valerie | more info (via: Wylio)

In addition to the venerable King James Version [KJV], there have been a great number of English language Bibles to join the party in the last, say, forty years or so; among these are:

The New Intercourse Version [NIV], which I hear is popular among the Amish (during “bed courtship”) in a certain small eastern Pennsylvania area. (I think Bryan Allain reads this Bible). 😉

The No Kidding, Just Verses [NKJV] version, which has–as its title suggests–just verses.

The Electro Static Version [ESV], which is just electric. Benny Hinn reads, and sells, this one. It will floor you!

The Nutria Lettuce & Tomato [NLT] version, for those times when you get hungry during service. This is the preferred translation for the state of Louisiana (though they can’t officially tell you that–separation of church and state, and all).

The MonoSodium Glutamate [MSG] version. This one is popular at Chick-fil-As nationwide.

And last of all is my favorite, the Amplified [AMP], because this one goes to 11!


Listen, before you flame me: this post is intended to be entirely tongue-in-cheek. If I’m mocking anything, it’s not the Bible (because I love the Bible), but rather our insane, inane divisions (at least in the Evangelical world) over which translation is “the best.” For the record, my go-to is the ESV, but by all means use the one that suits you best. Thanks for reading.

Which translation do you prefer? What do you think of the whole “KJV only” thing?




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Christ-follower, husband, dad, blogger, reader, writer, movie buff, introvert, desert-dweller, omnivore, gym rat. May, or may not, have a burgeoning collection of Darth Vader t-shirts. Can usually be found drinking protein shakes, playing with daughter, working out with his son, or hanging out with his wife. Makes a living playing with computers.Subscribe to RandomlyChad by Email

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