After having a blog since about 2004, in the last week I’ve begun blogging in earnest. I talked about one of the biggest reasons for this here. Honestly, after starting, I was feeling a little unsure, a little insecure. Like, you know, is this what God wants me to be doing? So like any sensible Christian, I put a fleece out before the Lord. Only my fleece wasn’t made of stinky, nasty old wool (there are few things in this world that smell worse than wet dog, and this is one of them–what was Gideon thinking as he squeezed that thing out?); oh, no, my fleece was something new and shiny. It’s not like I was asking God to prove His love for me–’cause He already did that at Calvary—except that’s exactly what I was doing. I wanted validation of both His love, and this new direction in my life. To borrow a phrase, my heart is a “needy beast.”
To assuage that need, I bought raffle tickets at work for a chance to win three different “new shinies:” an HDTV, an iPad, and a Kindle. Based on the title above, I guess you already know how this post is going to turn out. God wasn’t in the HDTV, He wasn’t down with the iPad, but you’re right: I did win a brand new, shiny Amazon Kindle WiFi. How wicked cool is that? God had no obligation to prove His love to me, but He did anyway. I felt validated.
But you know, in reflecting on this, I began to wonder about all the other folks who’d entered the contest, who’d wanted to win just as much, or more, than I did (I bought six tickets in the Kindle raffle; I heard of a lady who bought ten times as many). What was God’s word to them? Sorry, not this time—I’m delighting in Chad this week? Come see Me some other time? I’ve always been taught that He delights in all of His children. At the time, did I need it more than other folks? Was I—like Steve Jobs in Tennessee—the “sickest person on the list?” Maybe. Maybe at the time I was. It’s a mystery to me why God chose to answer my prayer, and not those of numerous others. Am I just over thinking this? Was it just a random drawing, and I happened to get lucky? Why is that, when He shines His favor on me, I feel guilty somehow? Like a father isn’t allowed to delight in his son, or something. That’s whack! And maybe a little deep for what was supposed to be a light-hearted post.
I guess the point of sharing this slice of my life (if there is a point) is that I’m hard-pressed to derive any kind of a working theology from this. God’s blessings may, or may not, indicate His approval, His favor. (America is a most blessed nation, but certainly Our Father doesn’t approve of everything that happens here). The important thing is that I know God loves me—He proves it everyday when I wake up. And He loves you, too. (Just for the record, I’m not knocking the Kindle. It rocks. It even has a name: Gideon).