Archives For sex


In my mind I see it there at Barnes & Noble: 50 Shades of Grace: A Kama Sutra for Evangelicals. Now of course it’s not in the sexuality section, no, being published by Zondervan, it’s in “Christian Living.” Despite this, it’s flying off the shelves.

Because we all want to know: how did folks in the Bible , ahem, “do it?”

Despite containing such maxims (not the shrink-wrapped magazine) as “biblical sex is not a spectator sport,” (surely a warning against the dangers of pornography) it nevertheless has full-color illustrations in the style of the late Thomas Kinkade. All are of course gorgeously lit.

Because of this, LifeWay won’t carry it.

Among its other truths, is “biblical sex is mutually submissive (and not in a BDSM sense).” To support this assertion, the authors–a husband and wife team–turn to a passage in First Corinthians: “the wife’s body is not her own, but her husband’s; likewise, the husband’s body is not his own, but the wife’s.”

They further assert this is so by invoking the famous “Love Chapter” (First Corinthians 13), where it says “love does not seek its own.” Meaning, I surmise, that where biblical sex is concerned, there is no room for compulsion.

Because, apparently, love desires to give, and not take.

Now the late C.S. Lewis once wrote that “sex requires a kind of erotic submission” from the wife. I wonder however if he wrote this while yet firmly ensconced in bachelordom, or after marrying Helen Gresham? I strongly suspect the former, because as a married man myself, I know firsthand the sacrifices required in marriage, and how the bed–like no other–requires the giving up of one’s rights.

Because a thing compelled is no longer a gift, but something coerced.

And nothing could be further from the type of love that emanates from God: gift love. This kind of loves delights in the beloved, and thus desires to give. That is what I believe the authors mean when they say that “biblical sex is mutually submissive (not in a BDSM kind of way),” i.e., that a man and wife in love will try–in their frail, failing human ways–to outgive––to outlove––one another.

But that, as the Bible also says, is a mystery.

Are you planning on reading 50 Shades of Grace?

Update: March, 2013. Apparently 50 Shades of Grace is a thing:


Ok, maybe I’m showing my ignorance here, and you cool kids can school me, but there are some things I wonder about. Things that make me scratch my head like a lice-infested grade-schooler, and go “Huh?”

Things like:

Why are there lice? What purpose do they serve? Why does RID cost so much? (Nit one, pearl two).

(Feeling itchy?)

Ok, let’s try again:
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'Let's be friends with benefits' photo (c) 2011, Sarah K - license:

C.S. Lewis said it well when he said that “love is pain.” This is so because love involves risk–the risk of putting one’s heart out there… only to have it stomped on.

Again and again throughout life.

The temptation here is to–like Montresor in Poe’s The Cask of Amontillado–wall one’s heart off, thereby insulating it from risk.

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