Archives For rejection

'Suicide prevention notice' photo (c) 2009, Samantha Marx - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/My cheeks are rose-tinted with the hot flush of a smoldering rage. Because it happened.

Again.

A smart, capable, accomplished woman—skilled in the art of healing, possessed of the patience of Job, and the bedside manor of an angel– was taken in her prime.

Not by accident, nor incident, but by the rigors of life.

I did not know her, but I knew her, you know? I know women like her.

My mom, for instance—a woman who: taught elementary age children, worked as a youth probation officer (her handcuffs were real—I know), and ended her career as a youth diversion coordinator, keeping kids out of the justice system. If anyone has suffered through the slings and arrows of life, it’s her. Add to that a troubled marriage, subsequent divorce, and one could safely say that life did its number on her.

She was:

Bowed, yes. Broken, assuredly. But alive.

Not so much this other woman I mention above. As a wife, mom, and
bringer of hope to many, she had none left for herself:

In her mind, the career she loved took the brunt of the blame for a
marriage that was failing. Somehow, it was solely her fault.
Despite a husband declaring his love for another, and a desire to
leave.

So this smart, capable, talented soul–a light to so many–snuffed out
her own light, leaving behind her young children. Soul crushed beneath
the weight of a guilt that wasn’t solely hers to bear.

How did we not see? We who knew, or knew of, her? Why did we not see
past the happy veneer to the hurting soul inside? How did she not keep
any hope for herself alive?

Why did she believe the lie that she was alone–that she alone was to blame?

Why?

Because smart, capable, and accomplished is no match for some lies.
Especially those predicated upon false premises. Falsest of all: that
you are alone.

Because you are not. Women—men, too–please don’t be the woman I here wrote of. We need you. We need your gifts, your talents… We need you. Only you can tell your tale.

Have you ever been there? Known someone who was? How did you come back from the brink?

'Grace' photo (c) 2009, Memphis CVB - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/

I am, like you, a pilgrim upon the Way–living a life in-between who I was, am, and am yet to be. As such, it is assured that neither you, nor I, will be whole until the mortal takes on immortality. This world doesn’t come by the appellation, “vale of tears,” for naught.

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In case you didn’t know, I’m contributing author in the Not Alone book, which was edited by the incomparable Alise Wright, and published by Civitas Press.

I’ve said before that I’m proud to have contributed, and humbled to included in such a great group of writers.

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I Don’t Know My Worth

randomlychad  —  September 23, 2011 — 22 Comments

Preface: this post was was inspired by What We’re Worth: A Community Collection, a post on TamaraOutloud.

Let me cut to the chase: I don’t know my worth. Am unsure of it, constantly questioning, probing, trying to find my place.

Don’t misunderstand: I know what the Bible says, that Christ loved me enough–loved us all enough–to die. But I sometimes feel lost.

Like this week. Life is harder than it’s been in a long time.

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Proverbs 26:11 (ESV) says, “Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.”

If an addict can be likened to the fool in the above verse, then the “folly” is his addiction. He knows it’s bad, the stench wafting from it makes him gag, yet he can’t help himself.

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