Fred Phelps (Westboro “Baptist”)
So, Sharideth Smith and I are riding together (along with a whole host of other awesome bloggers) on Bryan Allain’s BlogRocket. She’s guest posting for me here today, and I’m laying some smack down on the ladies over in her crib (hey, turnabout’s fair play, right?). On a related note, in an unfortunate bit–albeit MotorCop approved–of Internet double-parking, I’m also guest posting for Alise Wright. So, please go over there and check out my bearing of soul.
Anyway, with her scintillating snark, and absolutely deadpan sense of of humor, here’s the “Wednesday Addams” of Christian blogging, Sharideth Smith:
so the pastor wars are on. maybe not directly between the rock star super shepherds, but battle lines have been drawn among the fans.
Welcome to Stuff Christians Dislike!
You thought you were heading to the Internet home of RandomlyChad, right? Well, not today. We’ve taken over. If you’re thinking that “Stuff Christians Dislike” sounds like a certain other blog, gold star for you! That’s right, this blog is a parody of a parody–a “perfidy.”
But it’s better to at least try standing on the shoulders of giants (actually, Jon Acuff isn’t that tall, is he?), than base jump off the bridge of Khazad Düm, right? (Here little Balrog, uncle Gandalf has something special just for you). Right? Can I get an amen?
Anyway, unlike Meister Acuff, this site will be all about what we, as Christians, don’t like. The things we dislike, despise, and demonize. SC3D (and I’m trademarking that).
And you know what the #3 thing we dislike is?
That’s right, evolution! Let me put this way it’s not something that we’re all up ons, ok? Evolution sucks because it takes God right out of the equation of, well, life, the universe, and everything. (Yeah, that was a Douglas Adams reference–a flaming atheist (like for reals now, too, if I ever saw one). I mean thank-you, Chuckie D, for your “evil-ution.” May you roast for all eternity with your pal, Dougie, the “Hitchhiker.”
Which brings me to the #2 thing we dislike:
Seriously, these dudes–Hitchens, Dawkins, Myers–are some of the most pompous windbags on the face of the planet. We don’t like them ’cause they trash talk our Jesus, and go about trying to convince folks God doesn’t exist. Well, we all know what the Bible says about what “the fool says in his heart,” right?
Who’s the douche now, Dawkie?
That’s right, we don’t like you. (It’s too bad about that whole “love your enemies” thing, cause it would be like wicked cool to set you up the bomb, Richie. Or is that “Clint?” I’m confused. Oh, well). Like Francis Schaeffer said, you keep your “Sagan-acity,” and we’ll keep our sagacity. Or something like that. Fool.
The #1 thing we dislike?
I mean you actually have the audacity to point out just how unloving we are! I mean the nerve! You don’t even know Jesus, and you dare to point out just how unlike Him we, His followers, are? Wow! Just wow!
Who are you to judge us?
Thing is: you’re often right. We Christians can often be a disputatious, contentious lot, just as much out for our own as everyone else. Lord knows we can be just as douchey. Please forgive us. God, forgive us. That’s not how we ought to be. That’s not Jesus.
How have you been unloving to the unbelievers in your life? Share in the comments.
(PS: If he weren’t so old, don’t you think, aside from his career as, you know, a scientist, doesn’t Richard Dawkins have an awesome porn star name? I mean “Dick Dawkins,” who can beat that?) 😉