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Too Much to Ask?

If the other day I wrote of love being more than they have to give, today I’d like to address the other side of that coin. Namely, how growing up with a marked lack of intimacy creates questions, and puts burdens on others they were not meant to bear. For you see, nature (and here I mean human nature) abhors a vacuum. If we don’t get the mother love and/or the father love we need in our formative years, we look to other people, to tbings, to substances to fill that void.

We put burdens on spouses, and friends, that were simply not meant to bear.

If the questions:

“Daddy, do you love me?” and

“Do have what it takes?”

“Am I pretty?” (in the case of a little girl)

Are met with stony silence, or outright hostility, we naturally question our worth. The inference is that we don’t have what it takes, and we will do what we can to find it. They are all questions asking the same thing:

Am I valuable to you?

If the message is that we’re not, then we’ll go looking. And it’s often a fruitless, and heartbreaking, search for identity. As a husband, and as a man, say that I go to my wife: I’m not going to  get the affirmation of I’m looking for. Because she is a woman, and masculinity is something which is imparted. Besides which, having coming from a broken home, who is role model? My dad, with his philandering? Is that how a woman is to be treated? He took his question to the woman–and still hasn’t found what he’s looking for. Just a string of affairs, and two divorces.

And several disappointed kids.

The cycle of dysfunction set him up to fail, and that is the legacy he has handed down. I have learned I can’t look to him. Yes, looking to God is the answer.

But…

Other than His Word, the Bible, God is largely silent in today’s world. It’s not like we can sit down with Him and have a face-to-face conversation. Oh, sure, we can have a heart-to-heart via prayer. And we know He loves us–the cross proves it. But sometimes we want arms, we need our daddy’s love. Let’s face it our hearts are fickle: when we don’t get what we think we need from:

God

We turn to people

And when people likewise let us down

We turn to things

But the things never satisfy

Leaving us longing for more.

It’s a recursive loop, like a serpent devouring its own tail. It’s nuts to be so needy, but growing up without those loves needs met leaves one very vulnerable to getting on this affirmation treadmill.

Because enough just never is enough.

And I know Jesus is the answer. I just don’t know how. My heart is fickle, and wants to go full on Children of Israel:

At least I knew Egypt, but like song by Sara Groves says, “Those places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I’ve learned. And those roads were closed off to me while my back was turned.”

Maybe it’s a trust issue, you know? Maybe you and I know that God loves us. But maybe we’re just not to sure about his people? Or we view Him like we view our earthly fathers? I just wish He would show up more often and help me make sense of my messy heart.

Is that too much to ask?

What do you think?

More Than They Have to Give

Throughout my life, I’ve wanted a greater depth of relationship with my parents. Instead, they want to give me things. Yes, they’ve helped financially from time to time. But it stops there. When I want to go deeper, I’m met with either misunderstanding, or resistance. What more could you want? is the implicit question. What more?

Someone to call for advice.

Someone who’s there when I’m hurting.

Someone who cares beyond the surface.

Believe me, I’ve tried.

And I’m learning to let go of my expectations. I can’t make anyone be what I want them to be, shape them into someone, or something, else. I can only take what is, and work with that.

It’s the same with God.

He’ll only take what we yield to Him, and no more. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock,” He says. “If anyone hears My voice, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.” Jesus doesn’t force His way in; rather, He knocks, waiting to be let in.

It’s the same with other people: we can only go so far as they’ll let us. To which the only response–the only sane response–is:

“God, grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

It just flat out sucks when it’s someone close to you, because you don’t want to be that person subsisting on crumbs, but you can’t make them give more than they’re willing, or able, to give.

You learn to take what you can get. Hope for more, but learn–as Jesus did–to accept this world as it is.

Not as you would have it be.

And that’s a hard thing. When you can’t make someone love you the way you need. Because it’s more than they have to give.

Sayonara, Sprint!

My family finally made the jump off of the “Not Now, Not Ever”* network, Sprint. Recently, their coverage, due to upgrades, slipped from bad to abysmal. Dropped calls left and right, phones constantly having to be charged due to constantly looking for a good signal.

Sayonara, Sprint. It wasn’t me–it was you.

To be fair, the process of switching to T-Mobile wasn’t as smooth as it should have been. In fact, after trying to order online, and getting shot-blocked, I had to escalate to Executive Relations. Where Telesales dropped the ball, the executive team more than made up for it.

Thank-you, T-Mobile for saving me (and my family) from the dark side of cell service.

Who’s your cellphone provider?

Win a Prize Pack from the Son of God

image

Roma Downey and Mark Burnett (producer of The Voice, The Apprentice, Shark Tank, and others), the couple who brought us the Bible Miniseries last year, now have a feature film about the life of Jesus called Son of God. The film opens this Friday, February 28th, 2014.

As a person of faith I’m certainly interested in cinematic depictions of Our Lord, and indeed how He is in fact depicted. To be perfectly honest, I did not see all of The Bible when it was on; what I did see left me scratching my head. For instance, in Scripture Jesus didn’t enter the tomb of Lazarus. But in The Bible, He does-kissing the dead man on the forehead. For my money, commanding a corpse to rise is dramatic enough all in itself (without any need for embellishment).

I’m certain there were other changes as well. And I understand that neither T.V., nor movies, are the same kind of medium as the written word. That changes may sometimes have to be made for time, for flow, etc. But they should at least make sense.

Anyway. I’m likely going to see Son of God because it appears to be the kind of movie that I can take my family to (unlike The Passion of the Christ, which would be too violent for my little girl). Which is my roundabout way of saying that we who are believers should at least try to support fellow believers who are trying to make wholesome art.

That’s my $.02.

Are you going to see Son of God?

Comment below for a chance to win a prize pack consisting of:

An official tie-in novelization
A soundtrack CD
A 1000 piece puzzle.

Thanks for reading!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

This ‘N That

You may have noticed that things have been a bit sparse around here of late. All I can say is, because life.

In the last couple of weeks:

I’ve changed jobs.

I became the parent of a first-time Girl Scout (yes, that means cookie sales, Virginia).

My wife has been dealing with health challenges. And everyone knows that when momma’s down the family comes to grinding hault. (If you could pray for her, I’d appreciate it very much).

Theny family came down mega-hard with the “crud.” While I didn’t get it, I was a lot more tired than usual. My get-up-and-go got up and went… somewhere.

Maybe over the rainbow. Who knows. I just know that since entering my forties that neither my energy, nor my focus, is in Kansas anymore.

Is that the enough Wizard of Oz references for one post? Can I get a ruling?

I’m woefully behind on both blog reading and writing. I owe both friend,  Tim, and author Shawn Smucker,  reviews of their respective books.

Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s back to work I go!

See you around the Internets, friends.

Ciao for now,

Chad

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