Signs and Symptoms of the Aging Male

randomlychad  —  January 5, 2016 — 5 Comments

If you’re experiencing any of the following, you might be an aging male. I’m sorry.

1) In addition to having a mind of their own, your eyebrows appear to be the only part of your body rich in HGH (human growth hormone).

2) The foliage in your ears is denser than that of the Amazon rain forest.

3) In the choice between sleep and sex, you choose sleep every time.

4a) Nocturnal emissions no longer refers to, well, you know, but rather the number of times you have to get up to empty your bladder.

4b) It also refers to the amount of noxious gas emanating from your supine form during the night hours.

5) You have two sets of glutes; one where it belongs, in the seat of wisdom. And the other, well, it’s usually referred to as a “beer belly.” Even though you, at your doctor’s behest, have long since given up beer.

What signs and symptoms of aging have you observed in yourself?

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randomlychad

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Christ-follower, husband, dad, blogger, reader, writer, movie buff, introvert, desert-dweller, omnivore, gym rat. May, or may not, have a burgeoning collection of Darth Vader t-shirts. Can usually be found drinking protein shakes, playing with daughter, working out with his son, or hanging out with his wife. Makes a living playing with computers.Subscribe to RandomlyChad by Email
  • My hearing is fading, and my flexibility is disappearing.

    • What? Yeah, it sure is cold out today.

      (Me, too).

  • Not listed above, but equally valid are:

    6) The right recession of your hairline directly correlates to the expansion of your waistline.
    7) There’s decidedly much more salt than pepper in your hair; in fact, your hair is pretty much the color of English tea, Earl Grey.
    8) That extra cushioning you feel when laying down in bed at night is your back hair.
    9) Donuts are no longer just for eating, but now you need one for sitting.

  • Ricky Anderson

    Gray hair is starting.

    • Seems to come hand-in-hand with children.