Bad At Acquaintances

randomlychad  —  November 13, 2014 — 10 Comments

I don’t know about you, but I’m bad at being acquaintances. Friendships for me are more binary; they are on, or off. You see, I’m generally an introvert; as such, I’ve never had a lot of friends. And the ones I do have mean very much to me.

Probably more than is healthy, to be honest.

As an introvert, I find small talk boring. Much preferred is the diving into the deep, messy stuff of life. I’m finding, however, through age and experience that not everyone is wired like that. That in fact I may have someone in the friend column who has me in their acquaintance column.

We’re at cross purposes, having differing expectations of the relationship. This always makes me sad, and leaves feeling like an outsider. To be blunt, it never fails to catch me off guard. You would think I would have learned by now, but No! It hooks right into the latent abandonment issues bound up in my soul. It’s not true, but it feels like ever since my dad left my family over thirty years ago people are always leaving me.

I feel forgotten, wondering what I did to make them go. I wish it weren’t so, but I get pouty and lash out. Which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

Who wants to be around that?

I’m trying to surround myself with healthy community, but it’s hard to let people in, you know? Heck, it’s hard to let God in, to relate to Him. <--Have you been there? Where all of your prayers feel like so much dust flung at an uncaring sky, dissipated by the wind? That's the place I find myself in. Who am I in relation to: You Myself God I find my view of Him is still refracted by the prism given me by my earthly daddy. I want to let Him in--all the way in--but I don't know how. He wants to be more than mere acquaintance. He deserves more. How do I, the man who struggles with frienship, give Him what He longs for? Have you been there, my friends?

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randomlychad

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Christ-follower, husband, dad, blogger, reader, writer, movie buff, introvert, desert-dweller, omnivore, gym rat. May, or may not, have a burgeoning collection of Darth Vader t-shirts. Can usually be found drinking protein shakes, playing with daughter, working out with his son, or hanging out with his wife. Makes a living playing with computers. Subscribe to RandomlyChad by Email

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  • I struggle with acquaintances and relationships.

    • Larry, is that a guy thing, an introvert thing, or both do you think? How much of it is cultural vs. how much environmental (related to upbringing)?

      • I do think guys have a little harder time with that. I took the Myers-Briggs today and confirmed, again, that I am an introvert. When I get close to people, I enjoy it. It’s just a struggle getting there.

        • It sure is. Just getting there, finding the folks we can be real with, is work. It’s worth it, right? Cause we’re not meant to go it alone.

          • It’s tough. I don’t work at it enough.

  • Ricky Anderson

    I don’t let anyone in, so I guess you could say I relate to that.

    The problem with people is that they’re people.

    • How do we do it--keep people out--without keeping God out also? I have a hunch He’s bad at acquaintances, too. He wants friends.

  • Haha, it’s making sense why I like you all. I don’t think it’s a guy thing, I think it’s a personality thing. My introvert shows in the fact that I don’t communicate. Don’t keep in touch with people, don’t do activities. And I’d be fine with that if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m not meeting the other person’s needs. It did translate into my Christian life in that I treated God the same way -- neglectful. To answer your question, I’d say you keep that from happening with practice and paying real and consistent attention to what you’re doing. Putting in lots of effort and praying for help with it. But that’s my situation. Your situation seems like a lot about trust more than anything.

    • Yes, remembering to be intentional, and not getting swallowed up in the minutia of life. Tis a tall order.

      Trust… Hmm. You’re probably right.

      • Very tall! And that is what popped into my head is all. But I think abandonment would make me distrust that future relationships will last, distrust people’s intentions, even though they didn’t earn my distrust, someone else did. Also distrust whether or not I “deserve” what friendship offers (whether it is meant for me, maybe?)… That would certainly apply to God’s love and forgiveness -- it’s hard enough to believe for those of us without trust or like issues!