A Word About Men

randomlychad  —  July 23, 2014 — 5 Comments

Men are people. People have feelings. As such, we have feelings, too. We are not out to get you. Just having a penis doesn’t make one:


The enemy

An abuser

A potential rapist

It’s not our fault that your childhood was tough, or that male figures in your past abused their positions of authority, or violated your trust.

It’s not fair to view us all through the crap-stained lens of your past.

Just as you do, we have our own struggles, our baggage, our own stories to contend with. If you prick us, we will bleed. If you try to shoehorn us into a role to accommodate your worldview, we’re not going to take it very well.

We, having feelings–minds, hearts, opinions–of our own probably won’t take it very well. We might get loud.

This is not abuse, or bullying: this is usually the cry of a hurting heart. Yes, we may be bigger than you, stronger than you, louder than you… this still doesn’t make us the big, scary, nasty man out to get you. It’s a sign of hurt, of pain, of confusion.

If you accuse us unfairly, we will get defensive. It’s human nature.

Being men doesn’t make us demons.

So stop demonizing us for for our gender, for your past abusive relationships.

And let us love you.

That’s what our strength is for.




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Christ-follower, husband, dad, blogger, reader, writer, movie buff, introvert, desert-dweller, omnivore, gym rat. May, or may not, have a burgeoning collection of Darth Vader t-shirts. Can usually be found drinking protein shakes, playing with daughter, working out with his son, or hanging out with his wife. Makes a living playing with computers. Subscribe to RandomlyChad by Email

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  • SPM

    Thank you! This totally makes me feel safer when I’m walking alone, or when someone offers me something especially disgusting in front of my young children, or when I’m groped by a stranger on the bus. It will completely make all of that better knowing that not every man is like that. Thank you for taking a stand on this issue, especially since you have a voice and a forum. Maybe next time you’d like to advance the conversation, we can talk about what the Good Men can do to help counter the Bad Men and help put a stop to this kind of harassment and abuse to begin with. But good start!

    • You missed my point entirely. Let’s not lump the good guys in with the bad, mmkay? The ones trying to do right, live right, and the world (culture, society) keeps bashing over the head. ..

      But it’s not cool to say that, is it? We’re men, right? We’re just supposed to bend over and take the vitriol parceled our way.

      Fact is, your reply actually proves my point. Thank-you. 🙂

      • SPM

        When was the last time you stopped street harassment when you saw it? When was the last time you confronted a man in a bar and told him to back off of an obviously drunk woman?

        And it’s interesting how you use the phrase “bend over and take it” when that’s what so many women have to do when they’re being raped by one of these “not all bad” men.

        • Whatever it was that happened to you, I’m sorry. Allow me to apologize to you on behalf of men everywhere.

          That said, I’m hear (in this post) writing (maybe too obliquely) of those times when it’s the men who are:






          Even abused

          What would you say to the woman who, while traveling as passenger in a vehicle her husband was driving, slaps his glasses off of his face while they’re doing 80mph? What would you say to the fact that what occasioned it was that he simply stood up for himself, and got a little loud in the process? And that she dint like yours, and wanted him to shut up? And that this was a pattern in this relationship? Things are good as long as he always agrees with her, doesn’t express an opinion, doesn’t react to bring unfairly maligned (or misunderstood).

          It happens.

          And hence this post. Thanks for commenting!

  • Based on the other comment below, you have to cover every side of the issue. Not just a piece of it.