This Face Is Older Than I Remember

randomlychad  —  July 26, 2013 — 16 Comments

I don’t remember being this old. I certainly don’t feel it in my bones (well, sometimes, I do). I’m 44. It seems a higher number than I recall. Where did my thirties go? I blinked, and they passed like a whisper on the wind–never to be heard again.

I look in the mirror, and the face looking back at me is older than the man seeing it feels. The eyelids droop with the inexorable pull of gravity, there’s an extra chin which seems to have sprouted fully-formed when I wasn’t looking. How did that happen? How did I get here? One cheek has a slight concavity from the nightly wearing of a CPAP head strap. Sleep apnea? Isn’t that something that old, overweight men suffer from? Oh, wait

I don’t remember growing older… It just happened one day when I wasn’t looking. I went to bed one night, and awoke middle aged. I went to bed with hopes, dreams, and aspirations, and awakened to a job I’ve been at for nearly a fourth of my life. Time, seemingly so slow to pass when I was young, feels more and more like the “Kessel Run” (of Star Wars fame): like the smuggler Han Solo, it wants to do its business undetected, and as quickly as possible (so as not to attract any attention), and in less than twelve parsecs.

It’s robbing me of my energy, sapping my creative will… The gap between what I hoped to have done, and what I’ve actually done, is ever-widening. (Publish a book? Hah! When do you have time, and energy to write? To really write?).

Will I bridge that gap? Will you?

Carpe diem, my friends. We each of us just have one day to pursue our dreams. We each are alotted one life, one that is lived, and has only ever been lived, on one day:


We–you, me, all of us–have it in us. Have the energy, the courage, the fortitude to face today. As C.S. Lewis once said, “The future comes at all of us at the same rate: sixty seconds in a minute, sixty minutes per hour.”

We don’t know how many minutes, or hours, we’ll be given.

So let’s make them count, shall we?




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Christ-follower, husband, dad, blogger, reader, writer, movie buff, introvert, desert-dweller, omnivore, gym rat. May, or may not, have a burgeoning collection of Darth Vader t-shirts. Can usually be found drinking protein shakes, playing with daughter, working out with his son, or hanging out with his wife. Makes a living playing with computers.

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  • I’ll be 45 in October. I’m with you, bro.

    • Time has a funny way of passing faster on us, doesn’t it, Larry?

  • Haven’t hit my forties yet, but I feel ancient of late. Feeling asleep early. Unable to wake up in the morning. Achy back all the time. I am still learning to make the most of my days. Thanks for the challenge, ya’ old man! 🙂

    • Any time, whippersnapper! Now get off my lawn!


      • I went to high school in Riverside County, CA, in a podunk town named Hemet. There was a lady who would yell at me every morning when I walked across her ‘lawn’ — except her lawn was concrete painted green. You just brought me back to that memory. Now I feel the need to find some green concrete to walk on

        • LOL! Get off my green-painted faux lawn. That’s hilarious.

    • dude, i’ve had the back of a 40-year-old for years. all thanks to a “friend” who surprised me one day by slamming me in the back while i wasn’t paying attention and had my hands in my pocket. didn’t find out until years later that i had suffered whiplash. still dealing with the repercussions. it’s a pain in the neck and shoulder and back and…

  • i just started my 30s. a big fear of mine that’s popped up recently is to wake up and be 40 and have done nothing of what i’ve been thinking of doing — make movies, write books, rule the world.

    good reminder, my friend, to carpe diem rather than crap(e) it.

    • Oh, for sure, Tim! Believe me--I’ve spent quite enough time “crapping” around.

  • seekingpastor

    Being 44 isn’t bad. It just means you’re halfway to 88. Which is older than the average life expectancy. Wait--maybe it is bad. Nevermind.

    • Hah! I would make a crack about you “seeking” a punch in the nose, but like my friend, Chris, you’re 6’7″, and I probably couldn’t reach. 😉

      “Halfway to 88!” Love it!

  • Ricky Anderson

    “Don’t let tiiime, pass you byyy…weep not for the memorieees.”

    • Will you remember me, Ricky?


  • Old is a mindset, not an age. Chose this day to be young!