The New Normal

randomlychad  —  April 29, 2013 — 7 Comments

Dear God,

What was so wrong with the old normal that it had to be replaced with this?

The new normal.

It doesn’t feel normal at all. It’s like a half life–surreal, hazy, like I’m on the outside looking in. It looks familiar, but I don’t recognize it as my life. Who is this man who shuffles around in a stupor? Wait…

Can it be?

That’s me!

And me is not coping very well with this new new normal. I want to hide, cry escape when I see her–she who so loved life–reduced to a husk of her former self. The tears, shaking, anxiety.

It makes me angry.

“Why, God? She loves you. You who opened blind eyes, unstopped deaf ears, raised the dead… Where are you now?”

If this be mercy, it’s severe. Fill quickly the cup so we can return to normal. I want to see her smile, hear her laugh, be with her in the way a man is with his wife.

Quickly let this new pass so that we may return to the life we had. It wasn’t perfect, but it was ours.

And we knew how to navigate it. This unfamiliar landscape is an arid, broken place. Where is the water and shade? Whither the oasis?

God, you’ve got to do something, anything–anything other than this.

What was so wrong with the old normal? Must you take every bit of happiness, and turn it to dust?

I’m calling you out.

Calling you to account.

Not for my sake.

Or for hers.

But for the sake of the watching world. The world that hears, sees, wonders if you’re there. Are you?

Show yourself.

We need a miracle.

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randomlychad

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Christ-follower, husband, dad, blogger, reader, writer, movie buff, introvert, desert-dweller, omnivore, gym rat. May, or may not, have a burgeoning collection of Darth Vader t-shirts. Can usually be found drinking protein shakes, playing with daughter, working out with his son, or hanging out with his wife. Makes a living playing with computers. Subscribe to RandomlyChad by Email

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  • Come Holy Spirit, with your healing and Your power. For Lisa’s sake. For Chad’s sake. And for your glory

  • So sorry you guys are going through this. Praying!

    • Thanks, Kevin! I know you’re no stranger to hard times, man. You’re good people.

  • ShandaSargent

    Chad, I have no idea what’s going on. Please know that both Matt and I have been at the crossroads of a faith crisis more than once under bone-crunching circumstances. I fell far far from God. I have cried out some of the same cries I am hearing from you here. The one thing I learned was that it was a HUGE mistake to try to fix things on my own. I was tired of waiting. I was tired of trusting. God was silent. Completely silent, so I gave up, and I made EVERYTHING WORSE by doing things on my own. The answer was just around the corner, but I didn’t know it. By taking matters into my own hands, I royally screwed up the answer that was coming. After wading through the destruction and getting out of the pit on the other side, I promised God that I would always trust HIM, and I reminded myself that when I was at a low, I would remember that the answer might just be around the corner. Matt watched me walk through being VERY VERY lost. He felt (and was) utterly helpless to help me in any way. If you need to talk, I know he would be an understanding ear.

    Praying that the answer for you and for Lisa is JUST AROUND THE CORNER, my friend. Praying for mercy in every area of this crisis.

    • Thank-you, Shanda! Much appreciated. That’s exactly it: other than just being there there’s nothing I can do for Lisa. Just be loving, be present, soft-spoken. But it’s killing me that I can’t make it better.