Do You Need A Minion?

randomlychad  —  October 16, 2012 — 9 Comments

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Volunteers.

Interns.

Research Assistants.

Apprentices.

Personal Assistants.

Minions.

In the past couple of years–since Despicable Me released–the word minion has come back into vogue. If you’re overwrought, overworked, under slept without enough hours in the day, you need a minion.

Author working on a book? No time for research?

You need a minion.

Computer tech? Without enough time to install all those Windows updates?

You need a minion.

Busy mom? With too much on her plate?

You need a minion.

Have I got a deal for you!

Unlike Craigslist, home of the “re-homing” fee, I’m prepared to offer you a minion absolutely free of charge. Honest–there’s no catch. Think of it! A free minion to do your bidding.

You can concentrate on the work that’s important, while your new minion:

Watches your T.V.

Bunks out in front of it, playing Assassin’s Creed XXIII.

Empties your refrigerator of all the choicest foodstuffs.

Leaves socks, shoes, underwear around your house.

Hears your requests for assistance, responds in the affirmative, and does nothing.

Trips over own socks, shoes, and undergarments–because minion has forgotten leaving them here, there, and everywhere.

Minion also (obviously) refuses to:

Clean up after self.

Refrain from fighting with sibling.

Constantly challenges proper authority.

Won’t clean windows

Or pick up after pets.

Minion answers to the name “teenager.”

What I’m saying is: take my minion, please!*

Oh, wait… Do you already have a minion of your own?

*Entirely tongue-in-cheek, folks; I love my “minion,” and wouldn’t trade him in for anything. Just using satire to vent some (hopefully common) parental frustrations.

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randomlychad

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Christ-follower, husband, dad, blogger, reader, writer, movie buff, introvert, desert-dweller, omnivore, gym rat. May, or may not, have a burgeoning collection of Darth Vader t-shirts. Can usually be found drinking protein shakes, playing with daughter, working out with his son, or hanging out with his wife. Makes a living playing with computers. Subscribe to RandomlyChad by Email

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  • Ricky Anderson

    My son’s lazier than yours. He has never, ever done a single chore I’ve asked him to do. Do you know how long it’s been since my lawn’s been mowed?!?

  • Daughters can be excellent minions, too. Just replace Assassin’s Creed with Dance Central. And add “leaves the straightening iron AND the curling iron on all day.”

    • I’m not there yet--but I believe you. 😉

  • haha! My kids love Despicable Me and we all get a kick out of the little minions. Good luck w/ yours. I’ve got 3 little ones.

    • Isn’t it a great movie?

      Likewise, man!

  • sorry (glad?) to say i cannot relate, chad. but i enjoyed the wonderful satire. my wife and i are hopeful for a minion of our very own in the near future but maybe we should rethink that? 😉

    • Tim, first of all: thanks! This is more fun with an audience.

      Secondly, all negatives of “miniondom” are far outweighed by the positives.
      Trust me. 🙂

      • ha! thanks, chad. yes, i have heard the positives outweigh the negatives. but i’ve also learned that people without kids are just strange. and not in the good way. they tend to be more selfish, too.

        so, in essence, i’m willing to put up with all the craziness of miniondom to avoid being a weird old, selfish curmudgeon. some may disagree, but c’est la vie.