The Unassailable Logic of the Average American Teen

randomlychad  —  March 1, 2012 — 15 Comments


(Note: I had something else in store today, but plans changed. For the better, I hope).

That’s my son in the photo above. Despite my use of the word “average” in the title, he’s anything but. Whip smart, he is–with a wit to match. He is in every sense, but one, his father’s son. (And truly I am well-pleased).

As I said, he’s possessed of a razor sharp wit, and a keen, analytical mind. His mother and I often have to work hard to keep up with his insightful leaps of logic.

What do I mean?

This morning, for instance, my wife asked him “Son, did you get new towels today? Why can’t you use the towels you had yesterday?”

[Something, something mumbled from the bathroom in reply].

So I chimed in: “Son, answer your mother? Why do you need two towels when you shower?”

“‘Cause I don’t want to get butt on my head.”

“Wait. What?”

“I don’t want to get butt on my head.”

By now, he’s finished in the bathroom, bedecked in two towels, on his way to his room.

“Son, how are you going to do that? You’ve showered–your butt is clean. Dry your head first. Then the rest of you. I’ve gone almost forty-three years now using only one towel. No, not the same one! You can do the same. It will save on laundry.”

“But, dad, what about tomorrow?” (Meaning: the towel is clean today, but if I use it–even drying my head first–it will have “butt” on it in the morning).

Indeed, son, what about tomorrow?

That right there–ladies and gentlemen, friends and neighbors–is the unassailable logic of an (above) average American teen. Or, rather, the inevitable clashing of teen, and parental, logic.

For my wife’s sake, I vow to win this towel “war.” 😉

How about you? If you have kids, what strange rituals do they have?




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Christ-follower, husband, dad, blogger, reader, writer, movie buff, introvert, desert-dweller, omnivore, gym rat. May, or may not, have a burgeoning collection of Darth Vader t-shirts. Can usually be found drinking protein shakes, playing with daughter, working out with his son, or hanging out with his wife. Makes a living playing with computers.Subscribe to RandomlyChad by Email

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  • Leanne Shirtliffe

    I use two towels. One for my hair. But I reuse them. The hair one for my hair, the body one for my body. I think your son is clever. 🙂

    And sorry if I’m helping you lose the battle…

    • That’s what someone in Twitter said, too. I feel Charlton Heston in Planet of the Apes: “It’s a madhouse!”

      Thanks for your help, Leanne!

  • That is pretty clever and seems to make sense, but I would make him start paying for water and electrical use and new towels for going through towels too quickly. That or you could tell him just to air dry in the future.

    • Well, Jon--that’s a start. Think I would add laundry, too. He can start washing his own dang towels! 😉

      Now I’m starting to feel like the only one who uses just one shower towel. Thanks, Internet!

  • I think my son thinks this way and he’s 20 years old and doesn’t live with us anymore. But when he did he used EVERY towel in the house for his cleaning ritual. No one took longer in the bathroom and I thought my daughter was bad -- she has nothing on our son! Interesting to note: Why do towels start to stink if they are used on a “clean” body? My husband has always been curious about this -- he’s a boy too 🙂

    • Thank-you, Cindy! At last I feel like I’m not alone.

      Have no idea. Must be the repeated “wettenings.”

  • Your boy totally has a point, but I use one towel. I just don’t think about it.

    • Thanks, Kevin! I’m trying to dissuade him, & you say he has a point! 😉

  • This is something I’ve actually thought about myself. I still use one towel since I’m a broke college kid and can’t afford the detergent, but nonetheless. Also, you might want to purchase your son one of these. 😉

    • Thanks, Justin, for the recommendation. Before I wrote this, I had no conception that this is something that folks actually thought about. 🙂

  • Ricky Anderson

    I use three towels. I don’t want foot on my head.

    • Richard! Such a good point! Let me go tell my son…

  • I used a new towel every day growing up, but to make up for it I don’t think I ever washed a towel in college. Now I’ve settled into a two day routine. Give him room Chad, or he’ll rebel and start air drying or something crazy.

    • You mean like Rod Tidwell in Jerry Maguire? No, thanks--that wouldn’t be good for anyone. 😉