Coldplay, Conspiracies, Chemtrails, & Common Sense

randomlychad  —  January 17, 2012 — 8 Comments

Recently, I’ve become aware of a phenomenon known as “chemtrails.” What are chemtrails, you ask? They are purportedly chemicals, sprayed by planes in the upper atmosphere, used for the express purpose of keeping the populace ill. Are as reading that as I was writing it? Whew!

The interesting thing about these chemtrails is that they seem to mimic the characteristics of contrails, which are the vapor trails left by the hot exhaust of airplanes condensing moisture in the air.

But people love a good conspiracy theory, right? I know I watched The X-Files when it aired, enjoying the vast global conspiracy of alien invasion it presented. But I knew it was a fiction, an artifice. In my estimation, while there are indeed actual conspiracies, the appeal of conspiracy theories is simply a manifestation of the very human need to control, and be in control. We needthe world to be a certain way–when even God himself doesn’t promise that.

Yet we postulate theories about the new world order, the Illuminati, the coming apocalypse. Yet even if any of those things are true, what do we who know God–through Jesus his son–have to fear? Isn’t God omnipotent? Sovereign? In control even if–especially if–we aren’t?

We need to control, to be in control, simply because we don’t trust. How in any sense of the word are we living an abundant life if we’re afraid to go outdoors because of “chemtrails?” This is nothing so much as fear masquerading as wisdom. If we live in fear, then our enemy–the true enemy–has won. He’s taken us out of the game. Where is the joy that we Christians are purported to have? Where the peace that passes understanding?

What does this have to do with Coldplay? I’m glad you asked. You see, I have a theory: several years ago, they had a hit song, Fix You, that was really the herald of the alien apocalypse. How do I know? It’s the code in the lyrics. Really:

“Lights will guide you home.”

What lights? Oh, the lights in the sky, right? You don’t mean? Yes–UFOs. Coming to guide us to our new home.

“And ignite your bones.”

Clearly a reference to alien abductions, and subsequent human testing. Yes, I mean probes, implants, etc.

“And I will try to fix you.”

Almost certainly a reference to surgeries performed on the hapless human victims. Or perhaps, as in The X-Files, an attempt to better the human race by making a human/alien hybrid? Time will tell…


Ridiculous, right? Yet most conspiracy theories have less to go on than a few misinterpreted Coldplay lyrics. Our brains are designed to impose order on chaos, find patterns where they don’t necessarily exist. That said, common sense dictates that we apply Occam’s Razor (the simplest explanation is usually the right one). Thus my theory–in sincerity–is simply this: these manifestations labelled “UFO sightings,” or alien abductions, are spiritual phenomena. One only need read Ezekiel in the Old Testament to see a description of “wheels within wheels,” “strange creatures,” and omidirectional
movement. In fact, every time an angel appears on the scene in the Bible, people cower in fear, and are tempted to worship. Sounds awfully “alien” to me…

What’s the point of this essay? We need to live–live without getting carried away by pet theories that cause us to live in fear of all that’s beyond our control.

Go, and live the abundant life.

What about you? Do you have any favorite pet theories? Any conspiracies you’re privy to? Who shot JFK?




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Christ-follower, husband, dad, blogger, reader, writer, movie buff, introvert, desert-dweller, omnivore, gym rat. May, or may not, have a burgeoning collection of Darth Vader t-shirts. Can usually be found drinking protein shakes, playing with daughter, working out with his son, or hanging out with his wife. Makes a living playing with computers.Subscribe to RandomlyChad by Email

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  • I have none -- but I LOVE Coldplay! They are AWESOME!

  • I always liked that the Counsel on Foreign Relations picks who will be president. You know that they only let Reagan win because he picked Bush to be VP.

    • Interesting. Never heard that one. (Keep hearing about Bush Sr. being a member of the Illuminati).

  • My conspiracy theories:

    1. 95% of Christian music is written to make you feel melancholy only to have the bridge/saving chorus swoop in to save the day. Theory: they want us to feel badly then rescued then bad again. Music for victims?

    2. Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers are laced with street drugs. I’m not privy to what ‘street drugs’ are, but them fishes is loaded. Loaded I say. Theory: they plan to take over our bellies one fishy at a time.

    3. Resumes are out. Blogging is in. Theory: blogs will be more important than resumes in the coming years. ‘Be careful little fingers what you write.’

    I’m gonna go listen to that “Princess of China” song on the Mylo album. Has the same effect on me as the PF Goldfish…

    • Awesome, Andrew!

      And no fair being funnier/having better theories than the host.