Already Broken

randomlychad  —  September 22, 2011 — 6 Comments
'Broken Egg' photo (c) 2008, Tal Atlas - license:

More, Lord?

I mean, I know we’re not dying and all.

But it’s been a hard week–a hard couple of weeks.

You know that Offspring #1 had mono, right? That he missed a week of school?

And now Lisa feels like she’s living under a perpetual cruciatus curse.

This, on top of:

Diabetes, Fibromyalgia, disc problems in her neck.

Yet, somehow, until now, she has pressed through.

But, God, sometimes I wonder just what You’re up to?

You never tell me–saying that Your grace is sufficient.

And now? Now? Offspring #1 develops chest pain that doesn’t respond to rest or anti-inflammatories?

I repeat my question: what are You up to?

(And the coup de grace: I bet it was You behind the TV breaking again, wasn’t it?)

I know, like Job, I should trust Your sovereignty, but sometimes I just wonder…

You know, I haven’t complained about the sleep apnea, the seeming sinus infection, or the constantly feeling run down…

I just want some relief.

Sometimes I want You to take Your finger off of me. To leave me alone.

But I know better:

None else has the words of life. There are none who would shelter me that would not shelter You. If I flee, You are there–even the darkness is as light to You.

It’s just that with everything going on, with my wife and son afflicted–in short, with the demands of life:

I’m already broken.

Yet You’re breaking me still.


How has the Lord helped you through the hard times in your life? How is He breaking you?




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Christ-follower, husband, dad, blogger, reader, writer, movie buff, introvert, desert-dweller, omnivore, gym rat. May, or may not, have a burgeoning collection of Darth Vader t-shirts. Can usually be found drinking protein shakes, playing with daughter, working out with his son, or hanging out with his wife. Makes a living playing with computers.

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  • reconcilingviewpoints

    I can relate. 15 years ago, I had a couple month stretch that I call my "Job period": a business failure, bank calls and says "we're foreclosing", two days later they call back and say "ok, we'll work with you", house broken into while we're at church, rear-ended in a car accident which leads to surgery later, and to top it off, I got audited by the IRS.


    • reconcilingviewpoints

      Still going through hard times now, but I'm also better at realizing it's just part of life and I'm not as devastated as I was back then. Currently unemployed, early retired, or self-employed with very low income, depending how you look at it. $2k in med bills in last few months, youngest son broke his arm, etc. But I'm really not stressed like I was before…. Either God is giving me peace or I'm too stupid to realize how bad the situation is. I think I'll go with God giving me peace… better explanation for him and me both!

      A really good book that my wife and I read through together as we were in the thick of it 15 years ago was "The Pursuit of God" by AW Tozer. Highly recommend it if you haven't read it already.

      Hang in there, Chad. His grace is sufficient, even if we don't like hearing that!

  • I’m praying for you. Not in the flippant, cliche way, but in the really and truly, actually doing it sort of way.

    • That\’s awesome, man! I really appreciate it--need it right now.

  • By providing extra portions of His grace in the moments when I needed it most.

    • Amen, Matt, amen! He does indeed.