A Tyler Tarver Guest Post: 10 Reasons You’ll Hate Words & Sentences

randomlychad  —  August 3, 2011 — 13 Comments

Today marks a RandomlyChad first: my first-ever guest-poster. Tyler Tarver is a funny bloke, loves Harry Potter, and just came out with his first book. Take it away, Tyler! Oh, and be gentle!

10 Reasons You’ll Hate Words & Sentences

I know from reading Randomly Hacd’s (I believe in my heart of hearts that any word following “random” should be placed in random order) site for a while that he likes to throw the hate, and you know, my hate smells like a sweaty leprechaun hat.

Now, I know Chad’s hate can be inferred as “love”. Not me, I can’t even spell that word correctly. Luove. See, can’t do it. I’m really going to lay down the hate on my new book, Words & Sentences, in hopes that you’ll buy it, like it, and we can fall in lerve.

10 Reasons You’ll Hate Words & Sentences:

'Unicorn meat' photo (c) 2011, Bill Sodeman - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/
1. There’s a Unicorn on the front. C’mon, guy, a unicorn? They taste awful, like a rainbow. [Voldemort seemed to like them. Just sayin’.]

2. There is absolutely no mention of the debt crisis sweeping the America. I mean, I hear about it in every media outlet on the planet, and I want it in my literature. [But not in your book? What’s up with that?]

3. It’s a toilet book, not a septic tank book. I need something bigger for where I lay the results of my digestive system to rest. [That’s just offal, Tyler!]

4. The author is a math teacher. I hate math, I hate teachers, therefore by the Transitive Property of Equality, I hate this book. [My high school Geometry teacher was Vernon Reamer. He lived up to it. I kid you not]

5. It costs less than steak fajitas at Applebee’s. I want to pay top dollar for my compositions of words and sentences–something I lose 5 grand on right after I drive it off the lot. [You mean you self-published?]

6. Where’s the beef? [What beef? Thought you said it had Unicorn? What gives?]

7. It’s not a movie. This is the 21st century, I shouldn’t be expected to have to turn my own pages. Get outta here Jean Claude, I have no time for you. [Unless you wanna talk about making that sequel to your masterpiece, Timecop; otherwise, I got nothing to say]

8. The artwork lining the book is so stunning and elegant it makes my eyes crap handlebars. Seriously, how could he get his very talented student to create such drawings. Travesty, I say, travesty. [“Tarversty,” anyone?]

9. I heard it’s not the quarterback, I only date quarterbacks. What was this list again? [Who knows?]

10. Tyler Tarver wrote it. The guy sounds like a tool.
''You're such a tool...'' photo (c) 2011, Bryan Ochalla - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/
Who do you hate?

Tyler Tarver is not only my brother but he is also me [Tyler wrote that]. You can check out his website Tyler Tarver.Com, subscribe to it here, check him on Twitter at @tylertarver, or just buy his brand new toilet book (which he won’t shutup about!), titled Words&Sentences that 4 people have said is “funnier than sliced bread.” He’s not as attractive as you, but he sure does love you.

Comments

comments

randomlychad

Posts Twitter Facebook

Christ-follower, husband, dad, blogger, reader, writer, movie buff, introvert, desert-dweller, omnivore, gym rat. May, or may not, have a burgeoning collection of Darth Vader t-shirts. Can usually be found drinking protein shakes, playing with daughter, working out with his son, or hanging out with his wife. Makes a living playing with computers. Subscribe to RandomlyChad by Email

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 2,963 other subscribers

  • Tyler is the most creative funny person in the history of funny people. His mind is at a whole notha level. Love his stuff. I asked for the book for my birthday. I hope I get it.

    • Yeah, I can see that--Tyler is naturally funny in the manic way that Robin Williams used to be (insofar as I know, Tyler doesn't use drugs).

  • Cindy Holman

    Phony, fake, self righteous judgmental people. Enough said.

    • Amen, and amen!

  • I tried placing it on my shelf to hold up my math textbooks. They all just fell over. Not heavy enough. I hate it.

    • I know--right? Tyler's such a lightweight! 😉

  • #8 was the best because of your pun, Chad.

    • Hey, thanks, Ricky! Appreciate that!