6 Reasons Why I “Hate” Tor Constantino

randomlychad  —  August 11, 2011 — 22 Comments

Folks, this week’s Wednesday Haterade is running today, Friday. Why? You ask. Well, it’s because I was everywhere on the Internet on Wednesday. Seriously. I had Sharideth Smith guesting here, I guested on her blog, and a piece I wrote for Alise Wright’s “Guest Post-A Pallooza” ran then as well.

I. Was. Everywhere. On. The. Internet. 😉 Which was cool, and scary, and fun. Those ladies are good peoples! Read their blogs!

The man I’m writing about today–entirely for argument’s sake–is not good peoples! In fact, today I “hate” him!

Who am I talking about? Tor Constantino, that’s who.

Thing is, he being the seventh son of seventh son, I don’t know if it’s really safe to “hate” him. Actually, the preceding is hyperbole (that whole 7th of a 7th thing), but I do know that he is the seventh of that name: SalvaTORe Nichols Constantino, the 7th. For reals.

I think maybe he goes by Tor because he doesn’t want to be known as “Sal,” or maybe it’s because he’s gonna “tor” me up after he reads this? (I dunno, but I do know that, like my wife, he’s Italian. So I’m a little concerned).


1) I “hate” him because I woke up at 4:15 (after having gone to bed at 12:30) with my head chock full of “hateful” ideas for this post. Seriously, don’t you think that anyone who wakes you up at that ungodly hour is deserving of a little “ire?” My head was so full of Tor I couldn’t go back to sleep!

2) The man’s blog is called “The Daily ReTORt”, apparently because he always has something to say. Or something. I wonder though–he being Italian and all–how well he could “reTORt” if I tied his hands behind his back?

3) Darnit! He’s funny! You need look no further than the series of videos he’s labelled “Wedded BlisTORs” (are you sensing a common theme here? Everything’s about TOR!). Anyway, you can see one of his spots here. (If you’re so inclined. And seriously, Tor, save some of the funny for the rest of us, man! I’ve got children to feed, too!)

4) The man lives in Baltimore, which to me means two things: he can get delicious pit bull, er beef, whenever he wants it, doggone it! And he can like fist bump the coolness that is Chef Duff in person. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, Tor is faNATic (see what I did there?) follower of the “Ace of Cakes.” (Actually, that’s hyperbole–I made it up out of whole cloth. But, being on Weight Watchers as he is, I just bet that Tor loves cake! His favorite kind? TORte! When his wife lets him eat any).

5) Tor isn’t just a blogger–no, he’s a bona fide author as well; his book, A Question of Faith, releases this fall! How cool is that! Oh, wait, I’m supposed to “hate” him, right! Darn, I suck at this whole “hate” thing! Oh, well…

6) Tor is a husband, dad, and middle aged guy (like me!) making his way in the world, and following his dream. Kudos to him! No, wait, Grr! & Haterade to him. For getting there ahead of me! No, seriously, I met Tor through Bryan Allain’s BlogRocket, an online community for folks like Tor and myself. He’s always been kind–and had a kind word for me. So thank-you, Tor, for who you are, and who God’s making you into!

(Though I am a little peeved at you upstaging me! I mean I give away a copy of Jon Acuff’s Quitter, and you–you gotta give away an entire Acuff library everyday this week! Not cool, man, not cool! Oh, and folks, if you want chance to win 3 Jon Acuff books from Tor, follow the instructions on his blog, The Daily ReTORt).

Peace out!

Now tell me why you “hate” Tor Constantino, the 7th of that name, ok?




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Christ-follower, husband, dad, blogger, reader, writer, movie buff, introvert, desert-dweller, omnivore, gym rat. May, or may not, have a burgeoning collection of Darth Vader t-shirts. Can usually be found drinking protein shakes, playing with daughter, working out with his son, or hanging out with his wife. Makes a living playing with computers. Subscribe to RandomlyChad by Email

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  • Bonnie Anderson

    Where do I start? First he has taken up way too much of my time reading his fantastic blog entries, not to mention those BlisTORs, which I loved so much I had to watch twice. What, does he think I have nothing to do but read his stuff? Kind of selfish.

    • I know, right?

    • Now that's just embarrassing -- but enough about me…let's talk about me 🙂 You're very gracious Bonnie, thanks!

  • MRomeoLaf

    It's tough to like someone who is so blasted good at everything!

    • Isn't that the truth? (Or, I know, right?)

    • Aw shucks, you're just saying that because you won the book contest 😉 Thanks for the kindness!

  • Chad….boy this is awkward. It seems like "bad form" to comment on such a post -- kinda like TELLING people to bring a present to my birthday. Regardless, I love your post so much that I think I hate me too! Thanks again Bro -- I gotta get you to swing by my site soon!

    • Self-loathing is just another service we offer. ;-)Regardless, it was indeed my pleasure to scourge you with vile vitriol. ;-)And if anyone's an “excellent writer” it's you, my friend.

  • Lisa

    Don't let him fool you….everything he learned he learned from me….lol…love you Bro!!!! O, and if you ever want to know why he goes by Tor and not Sal you can find out for a price.

    • Oh, please, do tell!

    • This is shameful! I expect "hate" from Chad -- but from my own flesh and blooc???

  • Bad enough he is so eloquent, but does he have to be so prolific? I barely make my weekly blog schedule much less a daily one. Then do they have to have such a wide range of topics? I'm a one trick pony. Do they have to be clean, with no swearing or anything, how about dropping a curse word sometimes Goldilocks. Lastly, he stole something from me last week, my sister and her family who he vacationed with. I hate that guy.

    • Btw, in the biz we call it “creative appropriation.” Just so you know. 😉

    • As an FYI my friend, your sister LOADED me with ammo about you specifically. It was not a vacation, it was a recon mission….

  • Ricky Anderson

    I hate Tor because his pic is so suave.

    • Yep, there is that--dude is pretty GQ. 😉

  • I “hate” Tor because there are no Canadian teams left in the NHL playoffs.

    • Hmm… Did his team knock the Canucks (or whstever they’re callled) out of the playoffs?

      (Can you tell--sacrilege, I know--that I don’t follow jockey?)