So my buddy Bryan Allain tweeted the following today:
“I challenge you to name me 10 better feelings than those few seconds after making it to the urinal just in time. You can’t.”
To which I replied “It’s on.” Because, you know, when someone throws down like that you gotta rise to the challenge!
Am I right?
The list that follows is my attempt to run Bryan’s gauntlet. Or yank his chain. 😉
#10 Just making it to the toilet (after eating too much Taco Bell).
#9 Just making it with your kid when they “can’t hold it anymore.”
#8 Finally getting that bamboo sliver out from under your fingernail.
#7 The moments after the doctor lances that painful boil on your backside–sweet release!
#6 When the scope is finally retracted following a colonoscopy.
#5 At the last moment, deciding against getting collagen-enhanced lips (Meg Ryan missed out on this one. Can I get a “trout pout?”).
#4 Richard Gere. Gerbil.
#3 Finally releasing the last of the air your colon was pumped with during your colonoscopy. (While listening to Spinal Tap’s “Break Like the Wind”).
#2 Those few fleeting seconds after the circus elephant has gotten off your foot (before feeling returns).
#1 Bet you thought this was gonna be orgasm, didn’t you? Those feel pretty good, but you know what feels better? Halting the nasal assault of your infant child’s stuffed Diaper Genie of stink! (Besides, who feels sexy when your house smells like toxic sludge?).
That’s my list. Watchoo got?
(And watchoo got, Bryan? Bring it!)