I’m sure, being the spiritual giant you are, the following has never happened to you. You’re sitting in church, chillin’, listening to a killer message, when all of a sudden there’s a sharp pain in your side. You wonder, “Maybe it was that chorizo burrito I had this morning?” But, no, there it is again!
You’ve just been convicted by the other “holy spirit.”
And that pain? No, it wasn’t gas–it was elbow. Church elbow, to be precise.
You know, I’m pretty sure Jon Acuff has “SCLed” about this peculiarly Christian phenomenon before, but if so, I have yet to read it. You know what I’m talking about: it’s that particular elbow poke in the flank (usually side ribs) that says in a very physical way “You better perk up and pay attention, ’cause the pastor’s talkin’ to you RIGHT NOW!”
And you know if, and when, you look over at the source of the elbow, it will be followed up with the “death glare.” Because if you don’t look into those eyes, the elbow will come again, and again, until you do.
You know, I suppose the best part of being called out in this way is the subtle nature of it–nobody has seen, but like a spiritual SBD, it still stinks.
But like I said above, this has probably never happened to you; if it has, you know it really is like Mexican food: the gift that keeps on giving. And giving!
And I’ve had the sore ribs to prove it!
In closing, let me just say: if you’ve ever given “church elbow,” please stop–it hurts both the giver and the givee. And if by some chance you’ve never gotten church elbow, and were wondering what it feels like, you’re weird! Trust me: I’ve gone there for you, it hurts, and thus you can safely cross it off your rapture pre-flight checklist.
(Disclaimer: this post is satire. My wife, bless her heart, has never given me “church elbow,” but it is a phenomenon I’ve observed. Thank-you for reading!)